For the past few days I have been thinking about what I could say this week. I've been seeing real, raw, unremarkable life lately. Some of it is difficult, some is daily, most is the same each day.
Mistakes have been made. People are sick or weary. Celebrations have come and gone. I see people in passing or think about them throughout the day. It seems mundane. It seems simple, yet it isn't.
The basic, simple, everyday moments of life are the most precious. They are the moments we miss when the unexpected bangs on our door. Those are the moments we cling to when we miss our loved ones, when we feel weary or when we feel alone.
Whatever your life resembles right now, chaos or peace, find the simple moments to breathe in and remember who you are and that none of these unexpected difficulties can take you down.
On my most difficult days, I know my dog will greet me with her tail wagging and her rear end following close behind. She will rub on my legs and growl her loving growl letting me know she missed me and is happy I am home. She does this when I wake up in the morning also. She is thrilled that I have woken up to be with her. There is nothing that would keep her from greeting me, including a bandaged and wrapped foot and a cone on her head.
I know that I can see my family and they will be by my side whether my day was difficult or easy or mundane. I know that my friends who know me and care about me will be just around the corner no matter what my day or their day was like.
My world may get turned upside down. I may not know which direction is up or which direction I am going. I may feel overwhelmed and beat down, but the constants in my life will remind me that I am okay, will be okay tomorrow, and can rest in my constants while the storm rages around me.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Friday, May 25, 2018
End of a Season
The school year ended today. The 28 seven and eight year-olds that I spend 7 hours a day with and have watched grow academically, physically and emotionally are no longer my responsibility.
It's a relief to release the burden of their education and growth on to someone else, but it is also a bit of a loss. I know these kiddos so well. I know how to get them to do what they don't want to do. I know how to push them to their best, I know where their buttons are, I know when they get scared and why. I have walked with them on this adventurous journey for 9 months. During the school year, we spend more time together during the week than we spend with our families.
It is the end of a season. It is time for them to move on to 3rd grade. It is time for me to rest up so I can do it all over again next year.
Parts of this season have been difficult. The adjustment from independent 6th graders to not so independent 2nd graders last fall, 6 weeks off of work, back surgery, trying to catch up after losing 6 weeks, tired days, and grumpy days. But, part of the season, a larger part, has been amazing. I love it when my students are proud of their own work. I love it when they have been struggling and finally overcome. The victory on their face is immeasurable. I love it when they start taking responsibility for things they once let others take responsibility for.
On this day I am happy to be entering summer, but also aware I will miss being a part of those kiddos lives. I remember that seasons end.
Whether a season is good or bad or a little of both, it will end. It is a constant reminder to live in each moment and each day. It is a constant reminder that the moment will not last. Whatever we are going to take from it, we must take quickly.
When I was 16 I was aware I would not have my special grandma forever. I also knew that one day I would go to college, get married and have a family. While I had time and the ability, I made time for my grandma. I set aside time in my week to play games with her, eat Almond Roca and enjoy each other's presence. Later, when I couldn't visit every week, I still had the relationship so when I did see her it was special and amazing.
I can't control when the moments come or go, but I can make sure I don't wish them away or waste them when they come. Once you look back on the moment that passed, it is more precious than rare gems. Don't let it pass unnoticed.
It's a relief to release the burden of their education and growth on to someone else, but it is also a bit of a loss. I know these kiddos so well. I know how to get them to do what they don't want to do. I know how to push them to their best, I know where their buttons are, I know when they get scared and why. I have walked with them on this adventurous journey for 9 months. During the school year, we spend more time together during the week than we spend with our families.
It is the end of a season. It is time for them to move on to 3rd grade. It is time for me to rest up so I can do it all over again next year.
Parts of this season have been difficult. The adjustment from independent 6th graders to not so independent 2nd graders last fall, 6 weeks off of work, back surgery, trying to catch up after losing 6 weeks, tired days, and grumpy days. But, part of the season, a larger part, has been amazing. I love it when my students are proud of their own work. I love it when they have been struggling and finally overcome. The victory on their face is immeasurable. I love it when they start taking responsibility for things they once let others take responsibility for.
On this day I am happy to be entering summer, but also aware I will miss being a part of those kiddos lives. I remember that seasons end.
Whether a season is good or bad or a little of both, it will end. It is a constant reminder to live in each moment and each day. It is a constant reminder that the moment will not last. Whatever we are going to take from it, we must take quickly.
When I was 16 I was aware I would not have my special grandma forever. I also knew that one day I would go to college, get married and have a family. While I had time and the ability, I made time for my grandma. I set aside time in my week to play games with her, eat Almond Roca and enjoy each other's presence. Later, when I couldn't visit every week, I still had the relationship so when I did see her it was special and amazing.
I can't control when the moments come or go, but I can make sure I don't wish them away or waste them when they come. Once you look back on the moment that passed, it is more precious than rare gems. Don't let it pass unnoticed.
Friday, May 18, 2018
No Worries
Last summer after my master's graduation (it wasn't just any graduation - I got my master's degree- which will always be a very big deal to me), my mom and her husband gave me a necklace. It was heart-shaped with diamonds around the outside and my birthstone in the center. I loved it! I loved it because it was my birthstone, it was heart-shaped, it was pretty, it was from my mom and it marked an enormous accomplishment and the end of a difficult season. I wore it everyday. I wore it to bed. I loved seeing the physical reminder of my achievements.
The other day, the blue stone fell out of the middle of the necklace. I never saw where it fell. I only saw that it was missing. I looked everywhere, down the dish drain, under every couch cushion, under beds that I hadn't been near, in the cracks in woven rugs. . . I couldn't find it. I was sad. The necklace was still pretty without the stone, but it wasn't the same. I took it back to the store hoping they could help. The needed more information which would take me time to get so I returned home with the broken necklace.
The next day, while discussing the necklace with my mom and stretching my sore legs on the floor, my eyes fell on a small blue stone in the middle of the rug. I found it!
Fortunately, I wasn't able to return it. Fortunately, I hadn't vacuumed. Fortunately, my legs hurt so badly I had to stretch then to relieve the pain.
Or. . .
God, my Heavenly Father, my Daddy who cares about every detail of my life made sure I would find it because he knows it's special and cares about me in a very special way.
I share this story because these kinds of little gifts happen to me all the time. Because they are common, these stories are what I remember when the journey is especially difficult. I remember if my Daddy cares about the little things in my life, he will surely take care of me during the difficult times as well.
Fourteen years ago, I was 9 months pregnant with my youngest daughter. For some reason I don't quite remember, we scheduled to be induced the day after her due date. I wasn't comfortable with the decision, but went along. I was induced with my first daughter and it was difficult. I was hoping she could come when she was ready rather than when we were ready.
The day came for my appointment. Something happened at the doctor's office and they weren't ready for me. They called to reschedule for 2 days later. I felt so much better, yet I didn't need to do anything. I simply trusted everything would work out.
On the day of our appointment I had gone into labor on my own. By the time we arrived at the hospital for my appointment my contractions were 5 minutes apart and I had no need to be induced. We also got to avoid the triage area and went straight to a room. It was an amazing delivery.
These stories are common in my life. I love looking for them. I love trusting they will come again and knowing I don't have to worry about any difficulties on my journey.
I wrote the following words 14 years ago after my appointment was rescheduled and I was thankful for trusting:
I love waiting on the Lord. I love the strength and comfort His Word gives. I love His will overriding mine. I love His great hand guiding my life and each direction I go.
Whether it's a difficult season, a scary appointment or a broken necklace I find that trusting and waiting and remembering that trusting always pays off is the best way.
During my early days of cancer I had to remind myself of my Daddy's faithfulness. I had no answers, but I knew He loved me and I could trust Him. During days of immense pain, I knew it wouldn't last forever and I knew that I could simply trust and know the end would be good for me one way or another.
The other day, the blue stone fell out of the middle of the necklace. I never saw where it fell. I only saw that it was missing. I looked everywhere, down the dish drain, under every couch cushion, under beds that I hadn't been near, in the cracks in woven rugs. . . I couldn't find it. I was sad. The necklace was still pretty without the stone, but it wasn't the same. I took it back to the store hoping they could help. The needed more information which would take me time to get so I returned home with the broken necklace.
The next day, while discussing the necklace with my mom and stretching my sore legs on the floor, my eyes fell on a small blue stone in the middle of the rug. I found it!
Fortunately, I wasn't able to return it. Fortunately, I hadn't vacuumed. Fortunately, my legs hurt so badly I had to stretch then to relieve the pain.
Or. . .
God, my Heavenly Father, my Daddy who cares about every detail of my life made sure I would find it because he knows it's special and cares about me in a very special way.
I share this story because these kinds of little gifts happen to me all the time. Because they are common, these stories are what I remember when the journey is especially difficult. I remember if my Daddy cares about the little things in my life, he will surely take care of me during the difficult times as well.
Fourteen years ago, I was 9 months pregnant with my youngest daughter. For some reason I don't quite remember, we scheduled to be induced the day after her due date. I wasn't comfortable with the decision, but went along. I was induced with my first daughter and it was difficult. I was hoping she could come when she was ready rather than when we were ready.
The day came for my appointment. Something happened at the doctor's office and they weren't ready for me. They called to reschedule for 2 days later. I felt so much better, yet I didn't need to do anything. I simply trusted everything would work out.
On the day of our appointment I had gone into labor on my own. By the time we arrived at the hospital for my appointment my contractions were 5 minutes apart and I had no need to be induced. We also got to avoid the triage area and went straight to a room. It was an amazing delivery.
These stories are common in my life. I love looking for them. I love trusting they will come again and knowing I don't have to worry about any difficulties on my journey.
I wrote the following words 14 years ago after my appointment was rescheduled and I was thankful for trusting:
I love waiting on the Lord. I love the strength and comfort His Word gives. I love His will overriding mine. I love His great hand guiding my life and each direction I go.
Whether it's a difficult season, a scary appointment or a broken necklace I find that trusting and waiting and remembering that trusting always pays off is the best way.
During my early days of cancer I had to remind myself of my Daddy's faithfulness. I had no answers, but I knew He loved me and I could trust Him. During days of immense pain, I knew it wouldn't last forever and I knew that I could simply trust and know the end would be good for me one way or another.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Traveling Seeds
My students were recently learning how plants have special characteristics to help them disperse their seeds. Some seeds have helicopter-like propellers to help them fly. Other seeds have hooks on them allowing them to hook onto animals or socks and hitch a ride to new locations. My students like learning how plants have special parts to help them survive.
I was thinking about this phenomenon after having a great conversation about friendship. I think people also have special characteristics drawing them to others. I can look at any person and see their value, their beauty and their great character, but not every amazing person fits me the same.
Just like the seeds who have a specific purpose, so do people. The seeds with hooks won't fly away. The helicopter seeds won't hook onto your socks. People who are supposed to be my closest friends will be my closest friends. People who are supposed to be a piece in the puzzle of my life will be their own special piece.
Some people I encounter in my life will be with me for decades. Our relationship will grow and become rock-like. Some people will make amazing impressions on me, but I may not be in touch with them as often, we may even lose touch. Their value isn't less just because they didn't stay hooked to my sock as long as others.
My husband and I have changed jobs over the years. Often, we begin looking for a new job because things aren't going well where we are. The discomfort in our current job spurs us to move on to something new. We have to be careful not to apply this idea to people. The circumstances in our lives move us to many different places. Simply because life moved us doesn't mean that any of our relationships were a problem. Just because we don't see someone as often doesn't mean the relationship is over.
We need people in our lives. We need people who will care about us, know us, hear us and be honest with us. We need people who are willing to show up on the worst days and celebrate on the best. We need people we can't stop talking to and who we can be silent with.
Life deals whatever hand it wants. We can't change our hand, but we can surround ourselves with as many different friends as we can. You never know when you will need a cup of coffee, a friend to walk with or someone to simply say "Hi" to in the middle of a long day.
I was thinking about this phenomenon after having a great conversation about friendship. I think people also have special characteristics drawing them to others. I can look at any person and see their value, their beauty and their great character, but not every amazing person fits me the same.
Just like the seeds who have a specific purpose, so do people. The seeds with hooks won't fly away. The helicopter seeds won't hook onto your socks. People who are supposed to be my closest friends will be my closest friends. People who are supposed to be a piece in the puzzle of my life will be their own special piece.
Some people I encounter in my life will be with me for decades. Our relationship will grow and become rock-like. Some people will make amazing impressions on me, but I may not be in touch with them as often, we may even lose touch. Their value isn't less just because they didn't stay hooked to my sock as long as others.
My husband and I have changed jobs over the years. Often, we begin looking for a new job because things aren't going well where we are. The discomfort in our current job spurs us to move on to something new. We have to be careful not to apply this idea to people. The circumstances in our lives move us to many different places. Simply because life moved us doesn't mean that any of our relationships were a problem. Just because we don't see someone as often doesn't mean the relationship is over.
We need people in our lives. We need people who will care about us, know us, hear us and be honest with us. We need people who are willing to show up on the worst days and celebrate on the best. We need people we can't stop talking to and who we can be silent with.
Life deals whatever hand it wants. We can't change our hand, but we can surround ourselves with as many different friends as we can. You never know when you will need a cup of coffee, a friend to walk with or someone to simply say "Hi" to in the middle of a long day.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Time
As each year passes, I find that time is the most valuable gift to me.
It's Teacher Appreciation Week this week. I love the coffee, chocolate and flowers, but I keep thinking about how what I would like most is time.
I would like time to complete my tasks without running to the next scheduled event. I would like time to breathe, time to enjoy each moment of each day, time to have meaningful conversations, time to live rather than run from one thing to another.
I prefer time with people to any monetary gift. Time to myself is like precious gold. Time with my family is a treasure I keep close. As my girls get older, my time with them will change and probably diminish. I won't get back any moment that is lost with them.
I have a strong disliking for things that steal my precious time. For example, I would prefer not to shower, do my hair or make-up. I do them, but I would prefer to have that time for something else. I hate email. I know that at times it is a necessary evil, but it is a vicious time thief. I often have to choose between checking my email or actually doing my job. I don't mind waiting in lines or traffic. Usually, I use that time to pause and breathe and notice the world around me. It is the daily, socially required tasks which I don't like.
My grandma would repeatedly tell me all she wanted was to be with me. Fortunately, she said those words while I was sitting with her. In those moments she couldn't fully express her joy when I was there spending time with her, but she tried. My youngest loves it when I choose to do something with her. We can go for a walk or play a game and she is thrilled.
The more I talk to people, the more I realize talking to people is the best thing to do. I love visiting with people, sharing stories and spending time in one another's company. I walk away from that time thankful to get a peek into someone else's life, thankful to be able to share a peek into my own and thankful that we could share in each other's journey for a moment. It always feels better when you don't feel like you are walking alone. It always feels better to know that someone may have traveled a path like yours and made it through.
Whatever part of your journey you are on, whether a high beautiful mountain peak, a dark low valley or a root-filled trail seemingly winding in circles, cherish the time you have. Cherish the moments of peace, cherish the moments that make you stronger even if they are difficult. Cherish the moments of quiet and the moments of ear-splitting noise. This time is precious and there is something precious in each and every moment.
It's Teacher Appreciation Week this week. I love the coffee, chocolate and flowers, but I keep thinking about how what I would like most is time.
I would like time to complete my tasks without running to the next scheduled event. I would like time to breathe, time to enjoy each moment of each day, time to have meaningful conversations, time to live rather than run from one thing to another.
I prefer time with people to any monetary gift. Time to myself is like precious gold. Time with my family is a treasure I keep close. As my girls get older, my time with them will change and probably diminish. I won't get back any moment that is lost with them.
I have a strong disliking for things that steal my precious time. For example, I would prefer not to shower, do my hair or make-up. I do them, but I would prefer to have that time for something else. I hate email. I know that at times it is a necessary evil, but it is a vicious time thief. I often have to choose between checking my email or actually doing my job. I don't mind waiting in lines or traffic. Usually, I use that time to pause and breathe and notice the world around me. It is the daily, socially required tasks which I don't like.
My grandma would repeatedly tell me all she wanted was to be with me. Fortunately, she said those words while I was sitting with her. In those moments she couldn't fully express her joy when I was there spending time with her, but she tried. My youngest loves it when I choose to do something with her. We can go for a walk or play a game and she is thrilled.
The more I talk to people, the more I realize talking to people is the best thing to do. I love visiting with people, sharing stories and spending time in one another's company. I walk away from that time thankful to get a peek into someone else's life, thankful to be able to share a peek into my own and thankful that we could share in each other's journey for a moment. It always feels better when you don't feel like you are walking alone. It always feels better to know that someone may have traveled a path like yours and made it through.
Whatever part of your journey you are on, whether a high beautiful mountain peak, a dark low valley or a root-filled trail seemingly winding in circles, cherish the time you have. Cherish the moments of peace, cherish the moments that make you stronger even if they are difficult. Cherish the moments of quiet and the moments of ear-splitting noise. This time is precious and there is something precious in each and every moment.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Wrapping Paper
I am daily reminded that people are often like gifts set out waiting to be opened. The packaging looks very nice. It is neat and tidy, but no one really knows what is inside.
I know a few who try to guess what is inside gifts. They shake it or judge its contents by the shape of the box, but they really don't know what they will find until they open it.
My daughters are some of these snoopy people. For as long as I remember I have kept their names off their Christmas gifts so they won't snoop. If they knew who the gift belonged to, they guessed what was inside long before it was time to open it. One year each girl had a different wrapping paper. Another year they had a specific color of ribbon. The girls have gotten wiser to my tricks; now I write actual codes on the packages which they spend weeks trying to decode. Regardless of how much figuring and thinking and discussing and hypothesizing, they don't come close to guessing whose gifts are whose and they don't know what is inside until they open them.
I have met a number people that, by all appearances, look like they have everything together. They look like their lives are simple and easy and perhaps even perfect. It only takes a few minutes of conversation with them to quickly learn their lives are just as messy as mine, sometimes messier. They have their own mountains and valleys and sandpits and winding, difficult trails. They put on their strong faces and compassionate smiles and venture through their day in peace disguising the difficult journey from everyone who tries to glance at their packaging and guess their story.
It is only the person who spends some time in real conversation who is rewarded and sees what is truly inside this person. I recently had a conversation with an absolutely beautiful lady. She is kind and sweet and very patient. I didn't know her well, I just saw her in passing and spoke to her about work for a minute or two at a time. One day we had a regular conversation without our work masks. It only took a few minutes and I discovered this woman was gorgeous on the inside too. She had such an amazing attitude as she ventured through the difficulties life was throwing at her. She took steps to create a path of success for herself. She found ways to make her life fit into her needs rather than forcing herself to mold to the circumstances life was throwing at her. She took action and stood up to her difficulties with bravery and confidence she will make it through this season.
Once I took the wrapping paper off, I found a package inside that I hadn't expected. That conversation has stayed with me. I love the reminder that we can't judge people by what we see on the outside. Sometimes their actions aren't even a good standard to judge what is inside.
People with illnesses deal with this every day. They put on their strong faces and move through their life because that is what they are supposed to do. They are judged based on their strong stances. People think they are okay. People have no idea the battle going on inside, they have no idea what they have overcome or are working to overcome.
On the other side of cancer, I was determined to see people beyond their wrapping paper, but at the same time I was aware people would continue to look only at my wrapping paper.
I want to challenge you today to take a moment to discover what might be beyond the shiny exterior or the crumpled newsprint they are trying to hide behind. Also, let others see beyond your wrapping paper too. We are a lot more than our pink polka dotted paper tied and orange ribbon disguise.
I know a few who try to guess what is inside gifts. They shake it or judge its contents by the shape of the box, but they really don't know what they will find until they open it.
My daughters are some of these snoopy people. For as long as I remember I have kept their names off their Christmas gifts so they won't snoop. If they knew who the gift belonged to, they guessed what was inside long before it was time to open it. One year each girl had a different wrapping paper. Another year they had a specific color of ribbon. The girls have gotten wiser to my tricks; now I write actual codes on the packages which they spend weeks trying to decode. Regardless of how much figuring and thinking and discussing and hypothesizing, they don't come close to guessing whose gifts are whose and they don't know what is inside until they open them.
I have met a number people that, by all appearances, look like they have everything together. They look like their lives are simple and easy and perhaps even perfect. It only takes a few minutes of conversation with them to quickly learn their lives are just as messy as mine, sometimes messier. They have their own mountains and valleys and sandpits and winding, difficult trails. They put on their strong faces and compassionate smiles and venture through their day in peace disguising the difficult journey from everyone who tries to glance at their packaging and guess their story.
It is only the person who spends some time in real conversation who is rewarded and sees what is truly inside this person. I recently had a conversation with an absolutely beautiful lady. She is kind and sweet and very patient. I didn't know her well, I just saw her in passing and spoke to her about work for a minute or two at a time. One day we had a regular conversation without our work masks. It only took a few minutes and I discovered this woman was gorgeous on the inside too. She had such an amazing attitude as she ventured through the difficulties life was throwing at her. She took steps to create a path of success for herself. She found ways to make her life fit into her needs rather than forcing herself to mold to the circumstances life was throwing at her. She took action and stood up to her difficulties with bravery and confidence she will make it through this season.
Once I took the wrapping paper off, I found a package inside that I hadn't expected. That conversation has stayed with me. I love the reminder that we can't judge people by what we see on the outside. Sometimes their actions aren't even a good standard to judge what is inside.
People with illnesses deal with this every day. They put on their strong faces and move through their life because that is what they are supposed to do. They are judged based on their strong stances. People think they are okay. People have no idea the battle going on inside, they have no idea what they have overcome or are working to overcome.
On the other side of cancer, I was determined to see people beyond their wrapping paper, but at the same time I was aware people would continue to look only at my wrapping paper.
I want to challenge you today to take a moment to discover what might be beyond the shiny exterior or the crumpled newsprint they are trying to hide behind. Also, let others see beyond your wrapping paper too. We are a lot more than our pink polka dotted paper tied and orange ribbon disguise.
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