It is mentally straining to travel down the treacherous and difficult parts of our journey. As I look back at some of my difficult journeys I can see small gifts God gave me during that time to make things easier.
I remember reading the story of Job and all the treacherous things that happened to him. Through it all, God was there. He wasn't causing the loss, He was there protecting Job, making sure Job wouldn't break, knowing what his faith could handle.
I was thankful I had my cancer treatment in the winter. I wasn't able to wear a bra or shave my arm pits for almost 2 months. It's much easier to hide large breasts under bulky sweaters and sweatshirts than small summer shirts. I also didn't have to worry about anybody staring at my harry armpits. These things aren't extremely important, but they were things for me to be thankful for. My girls went to school with their dad during that time and were completely taken care of while I ran around to my appointments and treatments.
I was diagnosed with MS during one of my best teaching years. I had sweet students who worked hard all the time. They were thoughtful and patient. Being a little less present didn't cause a hardship at my job. I also had a considerate boss at the time who adamantly forced me to go home when he could see I wasn't feeling well. He never made me feel bad for taking a sick day or leaving my class. I've had very few bosses encourage me to take care of myself they way he did. I had also just started my master's degree a few months earlier. During my diagnosis, I happened to be taking the easiest class on my list. During the first month after my diagnosis I wasn't able to move my left arm or hand normally. It wasn't getting the message from my brain soon enough. I often dropped things because I had to think about the fact I was holding them. If, for a second, I thought about something else like walking, I would drop what I was holding. I couldn't type with both hands. Writing papers for my class took much longer when trying to type the word "the" meant waiting for my left hand to find the t and e. If I had a more difficult class, I may have had to drop the class or I would have fallen behind.
As I lived in the recliner last year awaiting back surgery, I could only think of how thankful I was to be living in our new house. In our old house with 3 levels, I would have had to rearrange the furniture in order to be on the same floor with the kitchen, bathroom and the recliner. I would have been stranded in one part of my house away from my family. Our old house was also mostly heated by a wood stove. We had propane heat which we tried to avoid using due to its cost. Each morning, we chopped kindling, stuffed the two stoves with paper, start a fire and repeatedly bring in wood to feed the fires all day. While trapped in my recliner, I would not have been able to do any of that. The fire would have gone out and I would have been cold or been forced to run the expensive propane heat. In our new house, all our rooms were on the same floor and I can start the heat by pushing a button. In addition to it being easier to function, I was blessed to have a friend and walking partner down the street. I wasn't going to avoid back surgery, I tried, but I could be thankful for the timing of it.
Whatever the bump in the road, the steepness of the cliff, or the difficulty up ahead, there is usually something to be thankful for. There is something that could be worse. There is something that is easier because Someone is watching over you.
I'm not telling you to think positive or look for the silver lining. The middle of these moments is horrible and sometimes all I can think about is how much it sucks, but it helps my sanity to notice the mini blessings. It helps me to think about how it could be worse and I am forever thankful it isn't.
I keep talking about this because I can't get over how nice it is to be able to do almost whatever I want right now. I don't have the extensive limitations on me I had a year ago. I don't have to say no to everything. I remember how difficult it was, but I also remember how it could have been more difficult and I made it through. One step at a time, keeping my mind clear and in reality, and looking toward what I could do and what I was thankful for helped me keep moving through each slow and laborious step. And my steps were very slow a year ago. I know all about slow, but I just kept moving and I'm not so slow anymore.
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