Free from Restraints

Now that school is out my youngest daughter has become a different person.  She is free and fun and talkative.  She is more like the adorable 3 year old whose spirit couldn't be squelched.  I've missed her. School and the constant assignments caused a steady state of stress on my little perfectionist and it wasn't until the year ended that she relaxed and became a normal 12 year old again.

This observation makes me wonder how many of us are restraining our spirits because of the tasks on our list or the environment we are in.  How do we become free of the restraints?  My first thought is that we try not to care what other people think.  Other people's opinions of us shouldn't determine our actions.  We should smile if we want to smile, laugh if we want to laugh and dance if we want to dance. My second thought is we need to protect ourselves from becoming squelched.  We may need to take a time to feed our souls, visit with someone who inspires us or just take a moment to be at peace. Those moments don't have to be long.  They need to give us reprieve and help us breathe.

We must remember that our souls need to be healthy.  Our spirits need to be whole.  We need to not feel squelched by the world.  I don't really know how to get out of it.  I couldn't help my youngest even through I tried.  I simply know it's important and know that we can't beat ourselves to the ground to accomplish a few things.

Pink Story: Best Path

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.” - Psalm 32:8

This is such a wonderful promise. If I remember it I can relax and know that He is guiding me.  I don’t need to fret and worry and wherever He is guiding me is what is best for me.  The problem I usually have is I think I know the best path for my life.  Once I’ve traveled a little farther down the path, I realize I had no idea what the best path was and if I would have forced my agenda, I would have ended up in a place that was not best for me.

I can trust that this bout of cancer I am dealing with is what is best for me.  He did not give me cancer, but He is walking with me down this path.  If I listen to Him, He will teach me, love me and give me His best.  I will be better and stronger.  I will be prepared for what happens next down my path.

Validation

It would make life easier if we didn't desire validation.  There is a chance that we may need it, but ultimately I think we desire it.  It helps us feel okay with ourselves.  It lets us know that others appreciate, notice or enjoy something about who we are.

It would be freeing if we could venture forth on our journeys with confidence and passion not needing to hear if we are okay or accepted or appreciated or noticed.  We could dress with confidence, speak with certainty, listen without judging, and go after our dreams without doubt in ourselves.

I haven't met anyone who doesn't desire validation.  People want to hear that their words are truly heard and cared about.  People want to know that they look okay, they didn't choose the wrong hairstyle or the wrong outfit.  People want to know their actions are good and mean something to someone.

Did you know that not hearing anything at all is the equivalent to hearing negative things?  Working hard and putting yourself out there and being ignored is just as painful as someone telling you they don't like what you did.

I felt this today.  Tears come to my eyes as I realize someone I wanted to notice and see "me" may never.  They may never see how I try to reach out and try to include them and am often a last thought. It is painful.  It is painful to feel unimportant and undervalued.

The worst part is that I know I am valued by many, many people.  There is only one I struggle to get validation from.  You would think that I could simply accept everyone else's validation and be okay, but it is more difficult than you might think.

So, here is a plea: remember to let people know they have value and know that you have value just as you are.

Pink Story: First Outing Post Surgery

On my fourth recovery day from cancer I took the car to the mechanic.  Actually, I didn’t take it because I couldn’t drive yet due to the strong medicine, so my father-in-law took me and the car.  We walked to Flying M, a nice, unique coffee shop, while we waited.  

I did okay with the trip.  I got a little extra sore just because of the extra moving.  I got tired too.  It’s incredible how a simple trip that is normally just a check on the “to-do” list can wear one out.  It would be wise to increase my activity a little each day so my first day of school doesn’t wipe me out.  Of course, increasing my activity is the last thing I want to do.  I’d rather simply rest and get better rather than work to get better.  It can be tough to know when to rest and when to work.  Here comes another moment when I have to listen to my body, figure out what it needs and then follow through with what is most helpful for my health.

Good Reading

My husband bought me a wonderful book for Mother's Day.  I also received fun books for my birthday and Christmas 5 months ago.  I haven't begun reading them yet.  Other people who have a lot going on claim they don't read for pleasure because they don't have time.  I haven't been able to read because, once I begin, I won't want to stop.  I will become a part of the stories and the thoughts and won't want to put a stop to the moment of escape. I only have a little over a month and I will be finished with the busy-ness.  I will keep the pleasure reading at bay until I can freely "escape into a good book."

I feel like I have to control my moments of escape.  If I venture too far down a path of peace and pleasure, it might take a while to come back.  Of course, a moment on that path may invigorate me for the next set of tasks.

How often do people think about what gives them strength and energy and peace and make choices that will help them perform at their best?  How often do people plan for activities that will strengthen them rather than reacting to whatever comes about?  I guard myself so that I can be my best and not waste time or energy on things that will not help me.

I know some people who escape each weekend in the summer to enjoy a nearby lake with it's calming and peaceful waters. They get judged for taking the time to do that.  In reality they are making a choice that will strengthen them for the next thing they must do.

Take a moment to make sure you are strong and capable to take on whatever comes your way.

Pink Story: Clear Margins

My surgeon called.  He said they got “clear margins” on the surgery which basically means they got it all.  Also, all of the cancer they found was DCIS, a type of cancer that doesn’t have the biological ability to spread.  I love that.  It’s like worrying that a shark swimming in the water will bite you while you are standing on the beach.  Once you realize the shark can’t come on land, you feel much safer.  Sharks are incapable of coming on the beach just like my cancer was unable spread.

The really good news is I don’t need chemotherapy.  I will start radiation in about a month.  After 6 weeks of radiation treatment, I will be done.  It is all a blessing.  I still have a slightly deformed boob.  Better to be a bit deformed and cancer free.

Last Day of School

Today was our last day of school this year.  I read the best description of a teacher's day at work the other day, teaching is like running on a treadmill at too fast a speed for 8 hours straight.  That is exactly how it feels.  The moment that last student walks out the door, the treadmill suddenly stops and you are left slightly in awe and shock that it suddenly ended.  It resembles the feeling you get at the end of a roller coaster when it suddenly stops and you think, "Is that all?"  You enjoyed the thrill so you get right back in line.  Teachers don't have to think about getting in line.  They know the ride will begin again in a few months.

It is true, for a couple of months we do not need to go to our classroom, instruct students, grade papers and manage little bodies that don't want to be managed.  The first thing a teacher does when the final day comes is to put the classroom back together, put the papers away that got neglected for the past 6 months.  The next thing that happens is the teacher breathes.  He or she breathes for the first time in 9 months.  The teacher begins to think about something other than the individual students with their individual needs.  The teacher may find hobbies that she has been neglecting or she may simply sleep.

The next thing teachers do is to begin thinking about the next year.  She begins planning.  Some of these plans are written down, some are stored in her head as she imagines the lessons and the activities that the next group of students is going to do.  Please don't think that teachers don't work in the summer.  They need to recuperate from the running then they begin the job anew.  Driving to the office does not equate to working.

If I've ever taught your student or ever do in the future, I give them all of myself and all of my energy and then I will need a few months to prepare to do it again.