Definitions and Mistakes

Your mistakes do not define you.

Those decisions you determine are poor decisions once its too late to take them back do not determine your character.

Your character is determined  by how you handle the difficult news the stranger told you on the phone a few minutes ago.  Your personality is revealed by your deepest desires, dreams and wishes.

The brief moment when you were selfish does not mean you are a selfish person.  The brief moment when you got angry at injustice does not mean you are an angry person.  The brief moment when you couldn't wait your turn does not mean you are an impatient person. 

It is okay to own your mistakes.  It is okay to apologize for missing the mark.  You are not admitting to being a bad person, you are admitting to a mistake and owning up to your actions.  You are requesting others forgive your mistake and recognize it was an action or a possible reaction and not the essence of who you are. 

You are not your mistakes.

Life is constantly surprising us.  As much as we would like to be in control and think we can handle each surprise and each new turn in the path or each rock that trips us along the way, we can't.  We get overwhelmed.  We get tired.  We become weary in the battle and sometimes we let our guard down.  Sometimes the first thought pours out of our mouth when in reality we wanted to swallow it and forget it.  Sometimes our self-control shows up late to the party.  While we are waiting for it to arrive, it feels like someone is controlling us with a remote control and laughing at the results.  Sometimes we are certain we are correct and bury our feet in certainty, until the light shines and we are proven incredibly wrong.

Dwelling on these mistakes only creates pain and regret.  Expecting to never make the mistakes in the first place is unhealthy and unrealistic. 

Dealing with mistakes is comparable to dealing with obstacles.  You assess them.  You move around them, over them, under them or through them.  Then you learn from them.  You learn how to handle the future.  You learn how to make better decisions next time.  And sometimes, you make the same mistake a hundred more times.

I remember times when my girls were younger and they could push each and every one of my buttons.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed, they were simply normal children doing what children do, but I would blow.  The room was finally too messy, the noise was finally too loud or they were too needy.  I don't remember all I said or did, but I know I overreacted.  I inevitably came back apologizing for my actions and telling them I loved them.  They never labeled me a bad mom for those moments.  They saw me as a human being.  A human being they could trust to let them make their own mistakes.

My reactions didn't define me, but my actions did.  They knew and still know it is okay to be a human who makes mistakes. 

The secret to a successful journey is to walk, when you trip, get up, and keep walking.  The scratch on your leg is not the sum of you.  It is a small scratch that will heal.  It may leave a scar to remind you of where you have been and what you have done.  That scar is not a definition of your whole self anymore than a dog's tail determines what kind of dog it is.

Rejoice in your mistakes because your journey is not over and you get to try again.  Rejoice in the strength of your character and personality which stands and endures all the bumps and bruises along the journey.