New Normals

Normal is a difficult word.  It implies there is something typical and anything deterring from the typical is abnormal and perhaps not okay.

Numerous events in our lives bring us new normals: a marriage, a baby, a new home, a new job are a few of life's obstacles which will inevitably turn our expected schedules upside down.  We tend to adjust to these changes willingly, in part, because we often have a choice in them.  We say yes to the marriage, we plan for the baby, we pack up and move our belongings to the new home and we apply for the new job.

However, when the new normals are thrust upon us without our consent, we fight them a bit more. When disease sneaks into our lives or loved ones breathe their last and leave us, we morn.  These aren't situations we asked for.  We fight these moments or question them or both.

I am continually having conversations with myself about my new state of normal.  It has changed multiple times over the past 20 years.  The past 6 years have brought more health changes than I thought I would have to deal with in a lifetime.  I try to tell myself it is okay that I have less energy.  It is okay I can't accomplish the number of tasks I used to be able to accomplish.  It is okay I can't eat whatever I want.  It is okay I must exercise in order to have energy.  It is okay I must take rest days in order to function highly all the other days.  I try to remind myself not to get weary in the battle and not to be down on myself if I need to sink into a chair for a moment.

The culture I grew up with was one where you work.  You take care of the people and possessions around you no matter how you feel.  You don't sit and read a book for hours or watch a series of television shows in one sitting.  You pick up a broom and sweep the floor.  You work and are productive all the time.  It didn't take long for me to realize I couldn't maintain this lifestyle.  It also wasn't healthy.  It is healthy to take breaks and find peace.  It is healthy to say "no."  It is healthy to have balance in one's life.

The key to accepting these new normals is to stop comparing the one I am currently in to the one I have been in before.  I also must stop comparing my normal to the normals of others.  I am my own person with my own journey.  I have my own strengths and my own weaknesses.  I find my way down my path, sometimes making mistakes, sometimes celebrating victories.  I need to determine what each day will look like for me and proudly walk in it without guilt or question.  I need to celebrate my uniqueness and accept my differences.  I need to rejoice in my strengths and refrain from putting myself down, questioning my actions and repeating my list of "shoulds."  My list of "coulds" is long enough and it frees me up to make a choice without any feeling of obligation.

Each moment in my life is a choice.  I choose to enjoy and celebrate and accept rather than question and doubt and wonder what should be.  Bring on the day, normal or not.