Pink Story: Flowers in the Mud

God has put me where He has put me.  He will give me the grace to do what is before me and the strength to stand each day.  These so called negative things that come my way will not take me down, but make me stronger.  I will be victorious and, upon reflection, the path I crossed will be overflowing with blessings.

In my mind, the path I'm forced down is muddy and dark, but when I look behind me flowers are overflowing over the path. They are squeezed together and rejoicing like teenage girls at a pop concert.

There has been a pattern in my life that reminds me to look back at the path I have just crossed to gaze at the blossoming flowers.  After our first dog died we got a new dog, the best we could have imagined.  We took on a new car payment, but payed off our other one.  We've experienced many losses, but not without the presence of flowers.

I know that all seemingly negative or difficult things will reveal something beautiful in my life.  I simply need to look back every once in a while after I’ve walked through the mire and see what God has done to the path He carried me through.  He always does it, I can count on Him doing it again and again.

Boundaries Against Stress

A new school year is upon us.  A new school year always means adjustments in schedules.  For most people with school aged children, it means that there will be more on their schedule.  Practices and extra activities that have been on hold for the summer will begin again.  Our schedule gets a little busier.  The most difficult part of the beginning of the school year for us is not schedules or events, it's peace stealing requirements.

These peace stealing tasks happen to all of us all of the time.  I notice them the most when I transition from summer and my own schedule to the school schedule.  My mind is consumed by the things I need to do, the things I want to do and the things that others ask me to do.  I am planning and organizing and juggling everything in my mind.  The amount of activity I need to do is not overwhelming.  What happens to my mind is the wearying, taxing part.

I can't change the events.  I can't change the requirements.  I can't control what others do around me. I can control me.  I can control my outlook.

As I enter into this season again, I am working hard to keep these thieves from stealing from me.  I guard my time to be me, to be with my family and to enjoy the gifts in my life.  I give all I have to my job, but when I walk away I will walk fully away.  I will turn off the constant reminders of what needs to be done until it is time to return to the job.  I will set boundaries and I will not let others tear those boundaries down.

I feel my heart race when the slightest stress tries to take over.  I feel my blood pressure rise when I am demanded to do something immediately or am taken advantage of.  I feel the physiological changes in my body when any form of stress tries to come.  My heart actually hurts when those pressures try to come at me.  I will do them and I will take care of everything, but I will not be pressured to panic, be anxious, or stress.  Somebody else's issue is not my issue.  If I make a mistake, I will own it, but I can't take on everyone else's mistakes.

A while ago my husband read something that said the best way to avoid dropping the ball is not to catch it in the first place.  I know me, I know what I can handle and I will work hard to do me.  I will work hard to be at peace even if everyone around me is not.

I want to encourage you to find your own boundaries.  Are there areas where people are invading your personal life and stealing from your peace?  Are there times when you aren't fully enjoying where you are because someone has hijacked your thoughts who isn't even with you? Find the boundaries and stand firm.  Know what is good for you and keep your soul, spirit, and body healthy.

Pink Story: Reflection of a Year

As 2012 came to a close I reflected on all of the happenings that occurred in the previous 12 months I realized it had been a year where we experienced a lot of loss and sickness.  In 2012 my girls’ two beta fish died, our beloved dog of 12 years died of bone cancer,  I got pneumonia and cancer, my uncle died, and my grandma got really sick.  Normally our years aren’t filled with this much sickness and sadness.  During this time in our lives, when living was at it’s most difficult and trying, our family was at it’s strongest.  Our family came together to show strength and togetherness.  Our family became one.  We learned to lean on one another, trust one another and believe in one another.  The difficult events of the year didn’t determine who were were.  How we got through those events determined who we were.  

During this time we became and still are an extremely united family.  We are not perfect, we are united and respectful to one another.  We haven’t always been this way, but we are this way now.  

Don’t shy away from the difficult times that come into your lives.  Rally together around those you love and care about and learn how to lean on each other.  Learn how to be weak and let others be strong and to be strong so others can be weak.  Don’t shy away from talking about the hard stuff.  You may be amazed what you learn about yourself and the ones you love.  

I never would have wished breast cancer on my life, but the united-ness of my family was an unexpected blessing that came of it.  It has been almost 5 years since my initial diagnosis and we are still close.  We enjoy each other and let each other be who we are made to be.  

Time Versus Money

Everyone grows up differently.  Everyone has different ways of celebrating and coming together. Some people like to spend money by going out to eat at a restaurant or buying gifts for one another.  Some people want to spend time together and can find ways to do it without spending money.  Both ways of celebrating are wonderful!

However, I have spent more years with little money than with a lot.  Because of this I have learned the deep value of time.  Stuff get's ruined, lost or worn out.  Time spent with ones we care about can't be taken from us.  We can remember it any time.

Ever since I can remember, my grandma repeatedly told me that all she wanted from me was for me to come visit her.  All she wanted was to be able to see me.  If it was a holiday, she was thankful if I was there.  She didn't want any gifts from me, just me.  This constant reminder has been so instilled in me that I still operate this way.

School begins soon.  As a small final moment of summer, my girls and I had a picnic at a local park while we were out school shopping.  We could have spent money on going out to eat, but I decided to have a picnic.  When the picnic ended, I realized that we had a much more special time than we would have had in a restaurant.

We sat on the grass under some big trees.  We took our shoes off and felt the grass on our toes.  During our meal we started to see some squirrels peaking at us.  Before lunch was finished, four squirrels had surrounded us and were staring at us.  We laughed and joked about the plot the squirrels were planning to attack us. We will always remember the day the squirrels surrounded us on our Back to School Picnic.  We had enough food so that we weren't hungry, a moment that we wouldn't forget, and some nice time together.

People can know how much you care about them simply by the time you are willing to share with them.  I will always choose a little valuable time over something that costs money and will not last.

Pink Story: Sometimes We Simply Survive

After about a month of radiation treatment I was struggling to continue feeling victorious.  I felt like I had a never ending cold.  I was tired, weary and unable to keep up my energy for more than half a day. My skin was turning leathery and it hurt constantly from the doses of radiation I had received each day. I knew that when I received my diagnosis of breast cancer, I was ready to be victorious over this and not let it get me down.  At this point in the process, I was happy to simply be a survivor.

This part of my story is a reminder that sometimes it's okay to simply survive.  It's okay if at the end of the day you were only able to get out of bed, shower and eat a little.  It's okay if you cleaned the house. It's okay if you didn't.  It's okay if the laundry got done.  It's okay if you got dressed instead.

Some days we are victorious.  Some days there is no situation, no event, no surprise that can stop us from moving forward and ending the day as if we ran through the red ribbon at the finish line.  Yet, some days we are survivors and thankful we made it through the day with even one accomplishment. We know that we can go to sleep and rest and perhaps the next day will be a victorious day.  Perhaps that day won't come again for a month or a year.

I'm here to tell you it's okay to survive.  Be kind to yourself.  Be gracious with yourself.  Put your health first and make other priorities after that.  If you aren't healthy you can't help your family, do your job or be there for the people who may need you.  If you are healthy, you can give whatever you are able to give.  Sometimes your presence is all that is needed.  Survive today and look forward to the day you will be victorious again.  Be thankful for the victorious days, surviving days may be trying to sneak up on you.  When they come, know they will not last forever.

Simply Surviving is okay Sometimes.

Be Together

This past week I've been observing that being together can solve many problems.  I know someone who was having a rough day.  Without getting into a long conversation and trying to force a better attitude or a better day, we tried to help her get over the hump.

Without her knowing, I kept her close.  I came up with an idea for a game.  I asked questions about her day and her interests.  It didn't take long and the smile returned and all was well.

This strategy won't always work perfectly, but I learned that sometimes a person simply needs someone else to pay attention to them. It is difficult to continue to have a rough day when you know that many people around you care about you and want to be with you.

Pink Story: Focus

The side effects of radiation treatment tend to be fatigue and a burning sensation on your skin, like you were sunburned. They told me when I started treatment I might notice these side effects after a few weeks, I probably wouldn't notice right away.

Within the first 2 days of treatment I was exhausted and my skin was agitated with a burning sensation. Whatever side effects were mentioned I got in full force right from the beginning.

I was 36 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was teaching 3rd grade at the time.  I did not have the ability or the desire to take a leave from work while I went through treatment.  Most people who are diagnosed with cancer are older and are often are already retired from their jobs.  They have the ability to focus on treatment and rest.  Each day, I went to work, taught 34 third graders, drove 30 minutes to radiation treatment and 30 minutes home.  I ate dinner and was often crawling into bed about 6:30 in the evening.  It took everything I had to maintain this routine.

Every little extra germ made me sick.  I had to stay away from large groups.  If anyone was sick, I got what they had. In the midst of all of this difficulty, the thoughts I had during this time were of staying relaxed and trying to enjoy each day.  I chose not to stress about anything or worry about accomplishing tasks.  I felt blessed and content.

It is our mindset that helps us get through the toughest days. We have to control our thoughts.  We have to choose what we focus on and focus on what will give us strength and help us to accomplish whatever lies in front of us.

I've been reading over the things I wrote back in 2012.  I read about the difficulties.  I remember the difficulties.  Then I read what I wrote about being blessed and I am amazed.  Somehow in the midst of the difficult time, I figured out what to focus on to make me whole and give me the strength to finish the race.