Running Uphill

My job gets very difficult sometimes.  Someone once compared teaching to running uphill on a treadmill at too fast of a speed. . . for 8 hours straight.  That is the best way to describe it.  Teachers aren't just watching their students or demanding they do things.  They have to entertain, inspire, encourage and make children do everything they don't naturally want to do during the course of the day.  Turning your back on your students is like turning your back on the ocean.  You must keep watching, keep moving and keep their attention.

I have been struggling this past week. I didn't struggle doing my job.  I struggled being happy about it.  I wasn't having any fun.  You may think that isn't part of the job description, but if I'm not having fun, neither are the students.  If the students aren't having fun, they won't learn as much.  Not everything is a party, but if the students are excited about what they are doing, they are more willing to want to participate and show off their knowledge. 

Whenever I start to feel this way I know it is time for me to change.  The students don't need to try harder or pay attention more, I have to change.  I have to find a way to have fun.  I have to enjoy myself.  I have to find my path.

Whenever there have been moments when I was grumpy, frustrated with the situation, or forcing people around me to have a stronger will, it was time to change.  When my girls were little, I used to have those moments.  I would be frustrated because I was trying to clean the house or do a project and the girls kept interrupting me with arguing or fighting or they just wanted to be near me.  Once I changed things, once I included them in my work or turned the work into play, the atmosphere changed. 

So this week, as I felt grumpy and overwhelmed, I changed the way I operated.  I let the kids become trains.  I read with a funny voice.  I created inspiration and fun.  I didn't do a lot.  The primary change came with me. 

When there is a problem, look to yourself first.  There are probably many things the other people could change to make the situation better, but you can only control yourself. 

Next time things are rough and you are simply grumpy, look and see what you can do to change the way you see and interact with the situation.  Taking control of ourselves is always the best place to begin.

Busy Doesn't Win

The busiest person doesn't win. 

Having a schedule that won't allow for a few minutes of unplanned moments, doesn't mean that you are productive and successful.  It means you are busy. 

I don't know if I would believe this today without a few things slowing me down a few years ago.  I couldn't work as long as I used to.  I had to focus on myself and my family.  Even if I hadn't figured it out after cancer.  MS came along to make sure I understood that I didn't need to be busy.  I didn't need to say "yes" to everything.

Today, my time is more valuable to me.  My time is protected and guarded against anything that might try to steal it away.  I have to say "no" sometimes.  I have to make choices about what will be best for me.  I have to be sure that what I choose to sacrifice is worth it.

Before we created a gym in our garage we traveled to exercise.  We rose at 4 am to have some time for coffee, get to the gym, get ready for work and get to work on time.  During that time, I sacrificed a little sleep for fitness.  It was always worth it to me.  Exercising brought more benefits than the hour of sleep would have given me.  I knew, because on the days I decided to skip going, I actually felt worse.
I don't have to sacrifice that time anymore.  I can go in my garage, do a workout anytime I want. 

I choose not to do extra activities on a regular basis.  It takes time from my family.  My girls are growing up faster than the flap of a hummingbird's wings, I'm not going to over-schedule myself while they are still home.  When they go off to college, I may take on other activities, but not now. 

There is no reason to be busy for the sake of being busy.  There is no reason to be proud of having activities every night of the week.  What do those activities make you sacrifice?  What do you have to give up for your busy schedule?

Some schedules are exactly what we would like them to be.  Some schedules are designed to distract us from our lives.  Busy isn't always better.

Encouraging You to Fall

When our children begin to reach walking age, we encourage them to try walking.  We hold their hands and help them stand, we walk with them.  We cheer them on even though we know their first steps will also mean they will fall.

When it is time for our kids to ride a bike, we encourage them, help them and know that not every journey on their bike will be perfect.  They may fall.  They may even get hurt.  We teach them and cheer them on anyway.

When it is time for teenagers to learn to drive, we encourage them.  We teach them the procedures and tricks, we let them practice.  We know that not every driving experience will be perfect.  They will make mistakes or be near someone else who makes mistakes.  Yet, we teach and practice with them anyway.

For all the milestones in our lives, we are willing to try new things knowing we may fall, get hurt or make terrible mistakes.  That possibility doesn't stop us from trying.

Yet, it does.

There are many more opportunities we have in life to try new things, accomplish new goals, and reach new milestones.  How many of those did you avoid because you were scared to fall?  How many dreams are sitting in a box because you are afraid to risk, afraid to make a  mistake, afraid to fail?

We know that little ones will fall when they try to learn walking.  We also know that they will get up, keep trying and eventually succeed.  We know that kids will wobble on their bikes, they may fall, but they will get up and be soaring through the neighborhood before we know it.  We know teenagers will make mistakes driving, they may even hit a tree or two, but they will learn from their mistakes and be better drivers.  

We need to take this knowledge and apply it to the things we aren't so confident about. Trying and falling, attempting and failing is always better than not trying at all.  

The worst that can happen when we go for our dreams is that we might not get them right away, but at least we tried.  Perhaps after we try for our dreams, we learn something new and on the second attempt we get a bit closer.

So here I am, holding your hand, encouraging you to keep walking.  You will probably fall, but after that you will walk then you will run.  The next thing you know you will be encouraging someone else to do the same.  It's okay to fall, it is not okay to not try.

Work of a Different Kind

I've been writing a lot about health.  I would say it's been on my mind a lot lately, but actually health is always on my mind.  It is sometimes at the forefront and sometimes just behind whatever has made it to the forefront. 

I wish and hope that you would be thankful for any and every little bit of health you have.  Lately, I've been able to do mini work outs.  They aren't mini to me, but they might be to someone else.  I can move.  I am purposeful and a bit slow, but I can move.  It has been 8 weeks since I had back surgery.  I have been diligently working every day to do whatever the therapist will allow me to do.

During the last few weeks I've been getting tired of working so hard.  Before back surgery I would exercise hard 3 times a week, then take the other days to recover.  During my rehabilitation I can't take any days off.  I need to do some movement, some stretching, some muscle building every day, sometimes twice a day.  I've had days where I don't want to keep trying so hard.  In my mind I know that I will get healthier faster if I keep up the battle and keep moving, but my body wants to stop moving.  I'm tired and weary and I don't want to spend time focusing on exercise.

It is in these moments that I am reminded that health takes work.  It doesn't come because you were born with good genes or because you used to be active.  You have to keep moving.  You have to keep making wise choices and make yourself get off the couch even if everything hurts, even if you are ready to sleep.  The fact you worked yesterday, doesn't mean anything for today.  You still have to own today.

Don't be in awe of my work ethic.  I would like to quit.  I would like to be still and rest.  Then I remember that if I stay still, my joints will get stiff, my muscles will atrophy and I will feel miserable.  Despite what I want to do now, I choose to get up because I am looking to the future.

When I was in college and 20, a classmate came by my apartment to give me something.  She was wearing exercise clothes.  I was surprised that she exercised.  Then I realized that I had thought she was skinny and fit naturally, without any effort on her part.  It had never occurred to me that she worked at it.  I wasn't used to the exercise culture back then.  I didn't see fit people and think they worked hard, I just saw they were fit and wished I could be more like them.  It never crossed my mind that I could be like them if I chose to invest some time and energy.

Health takes work.  It takes work to be flexible, strong and able to move.  It takes work to choose foods that fuel you and don't slow you down.

When you see me and think that I'm lucky because I seem healthy or fit or whatever you see.  Remember that I work at it.  I actually put in the work and I remind myself that I have to keep moving, especially on the days when that is the last thing I want to do.  I would like to quit, but I do not want the results of quitting, so I work to be healthy.

Ribbons

Just a little over a year ago I began this blog.  At the time, I figured that my journey through cancer and MS might help a few people with their own journeys.  Each day I am thankful for each person who is willing to read about my journey.

I named this blog Colored Ribbons because I have acquired different colored ribbons throughout my journey.  Breast cancer brought the pink ribbon and MS brought the orange ribbon.  There are plenty of other colors of ribbons that mark our lives and plenty of different types of ribbons.

We use ribbons in little girls hair.  Some of those ribbons are saved for special occasions when little girls get to dress like princesses.  Sometimes they wear ribbons simply because they want to be pretty. 

Ribbons tie up packages.  I love giving gifts with pretty ribbons.  It's especially fun if the ribbon is a different color than the paper.  When it comes to gifts, more color is better.

We hang yellow ribbons to remember our military.  Red ribbons represent the drug free challenge schools take on each year.  Green and purple represent more cancers and childhood illnesses and depression.  Black ribbons remind us of who we've lost.  White ribbons represent innocence and peace, but they also represent violence against the innocent.

Blue ribbons represent first place. 

All the other colors remind us of pain and disease.  We see the color or we see the ribbon and we remember.  October is full of pink to remind everyone of breast cancer.  Yellow ribbons on trees remind us that our military steadily fight for our freedoms no matter the consequences to them.

Blue ribbons mean you win!

Today, as I reflect on my year filled with more challenges than I had before I began this blog, I see just as many victories.  Every challenge is meant to give us another opportunity for a blue ribbon.

So today, whatever your ribbon color - and believe it or not we all have at least one - keep moving towards the blue ribbon.  You can hang the ribbons on the mantle, line up all the colors and amidst the memories, hardships, sadness and pain, there is always a blue ribbon reminding you that you are a champion in your own life.

PR Everyday!

A PR in CrossFit is a Personal Record.  The record can range from anything between a heavy lift, a fast time or being able to do something you couldn't do before.  The idea is that you beat your own record.  You lifted a heavier weight, you ran a faster mile, or completed your first hand stand.  Whatever it is, it is your record, not someone else's you are beating.

In the beginning of November I couldn't walk, sit or stand without pain.  After back surgery at the end of that same month, I had daily personal records.  Each day I walked a bit farther so my distance was a PR.  I walked faster so my speed was a PR.  I was able to tie my own shoes, sit in a chair, drive, clean out the dishwasher, ride a bike, carry my own bag.  The records went on and on.  I celebrated each PR no matter how small.  Recently I was able to sit in one of our chairs that used to cause me great pain, that was a PR.  I rode faster and farther on the bike than the last time I rode it, PR! And I did it with ease which in itself is a PR.

I will have many more PR's in the next few months.  I look forward to the day I can run again and do a workout with my family.  Right now I can do partial things, but soon I will be able to do the whole thing.  Instead of rowing with my arms only, I will be able to row with my arms and my legs.

Once I make it through this season, the PR's may not come daily anymore. I may have to work for them again and celebrate them once a month or once every few months.

I love the idea of daily reaching for PR's.  It means I am daily trying to become better.  So what if you can only walk a few hundred yards?  If you walk a few hundred and one tomorrow you just had a PR.  You beat your old record.  Perhaps you can't touch your toes today, but next month you can, that's a PR.  You beat your record again!  It doesn't matter what it is, when you improve upon yourself you have hit a PR.

The other part of PR that I like is the personal part.  You are not trying to beat your friend's record, your neighbor's record or that stranger's record you saw on TV.  You are only focused on yourself.

PR's are essentially what life is about, not just our physical fitness, but our whole self.  Each day, we should be looking to beat our old record: have the better day, complete our work with the best attitude, and get better results than last time.   We are seeking to get a PR by daily doing whatever we can to better ourselves each day and to avoid comparing ourselves to other people's records.  Our job has never been to beat other's peoples records, only our own.  When we focus on ourselves and our own PR's we shine and win every time.

Next time you reach a goal or make a new personal record, think PR and celebrate!

Tired or Thankful

Many of the entries I've made in my 31 notebooks include the words, I'm tired, I'm weary or I'm exhausted.  Those words are often found at the beginning.  Of course, I often wrote first thing in the morning.  It is common for the first thought when getting out of bed to be "I'm tired." 

There were months after my youngest was born that I was tired.  I was tired before she was born while 9 months pregnant.  I was tired during cancer, during the early days of MS, and during my journey to get my master's degree.  I've always been tired while teaching.  It seems that tired was a part of most days even if there weren't extra things going on.

When we are tired, we have to try harder to be patient, kind, energetic, and motivated.  We have to ignore the reactive impulses and make ourselves behave.

Most of the time I have difficulty focusing and finding words when I'm tired.  This happened long before MS.

This information leads me to believe that I may spend more days tired than not.  It's possible that if I am honest with myself, I am usually tired.  If I am tired that often then tired is not an excuse for poor behavior.  Tired is not a reason to stop moving or to stop caring.  If it were, I wouldn't do anything. 

Tired comes in many forms.  Sometimes it is simply a lack of sleep.  I had one of those weeks a few weeks ago.  It didn't matter what I did, I couldn't get more than 5 hours of sleep each night.

Sometimes tired is a weariness in the battle.  A weariness in dealing with the same problems, the same situations.  As a teacher I get tired of repeating myself. 

Sometimes tired is a spiritual thing.  Our spirits get weary from fighting to stand tall, fighting to be encouraging, fighting to be hopeful.

What is the point in talking about being tired?  Since it isn't a state that goes away quickly and it is something that likes to stick around and show its face as often as it can, we have to deal with it.  We have to determine if there is an action we can take to reduce the tired like sleep or rest or if the tired is here and won't go away until the season passes.  Babies start sleeping through the night, graduation comes, bodies heal, the seasons pass and we sleep again.

Whether we can act to get rest or we simply have to wait, we have to make choices to keep ourselves sane and healthy until the tired leaves us.  We have to eat foods that feed our bodies, move our muscles to stay strong and find hope to carry us through. 

Many times, a visit or a phone call from a friend wakes me up.  I want to be present.  I want to be with my friend.  I want to hear about her week.  I want to be a part of her day.  I can put my weariness aside for those moments.  When my girls were little, the tired would subside as I poured myself into them.  It wasn't until I sat down that I felt tired again. 

Whenever we were at my grandma's house she would be moving and serving each moment.  She was working in the garden, she was cooking dinner, she was going for walks, she rarely sat.  We used to scold her for being busy and we ordered her to sit down.  I don't know for sure, but it could be she kept moving to keep the tired away.  Sitting down might mean falling asleep.

I'm sorry for all the tired days you feel.  I'm sorry you have to go to work, I'm sorry you have to take care of your kids, I'm sorry you have to keep moving while your tired.

So today, my words were not "I'm tired."  They were "I'm thankful."  I'm thankful it is Friday.  I'm thankful this was a 4 day week.  I'm thankful for my job.  I'm thankful I am creative and can find ways to make my day easier.  I'm thankful.

On the toughest days, in the toughest moments I will be thankful even though I am tired.