“The doctor is going out of town on Friday. Can we reschedule your biopsy for Wednesday?” asked the nurse on Tuesday afternoon.
“Tomorrow?” I confirmed.
I asked for Wednesday afternoon off with a note that I might need Thursday off. I wouldn’t have to wait until Friday. I would get it over with.” I finally told the people I work with what was going on. It’s amazing how letting people in on your life actually relieves a lot of the weight. I am no longer walking around carrying this heavy secret. I stayed late Tuesday night preparing for a substitute.
I went to school Wednesday morning. Right before lunch I informed my students they would have a sub for the afternoon. Of course they asked where I was going, I just told them I had an appointment. Then I remembered to breathe.
I walked into the special breast imaging center, the same one where I had my second mammogram. They took me back where I changed into my favorite shirt. I went to the back room where they did another mammogram. They needed to make sure they knew where everything was and that nothing had moved. After they were pleased with the picture, they took me into the room where the biopsy would take place. I was terrified and cold. I tried to hide my terror behind a calm demeanor. The nurse got me a warm blanket. Oh, the pleasure of a heated blanket! I may start putting blankets in my oven at home just to have a warm blanket to sit under. The nurse talked with me a little about what they were going to do. She had me sign a consent form. As we were waiting for the doctor and technician to join us we began talking about books. She had read some amazing books. Every good book I mentioned she had read, every good book she mentioned I hadn’t heard of. I tried to place them somewhere in my head where I would remember their titles or authors, but in my state of mind I couldn’t even remember the nurse's name. We chatted for a while. I began to relax, then the doctor came in. He explained, again, what would happen. I had to tell them my name and birthday. They made a green mark on my left collar bone so they would be sure they are working on the correct side, they officially stated what they would do, then I signed again.
The next step was to get onto the table. I had to lie on my stomach. My left arm was out of my sleeve, my left breast literally fell through the hole in the table. They placed a pillow by my head. My left arm was straight down at my side. My right arm was curled up by my face. They tried to ease up the pressure on my hips by putting a pillow there. The person who created this table never had to lie on it. It was a table. There was no cushion. It was contoured slightly, I might as well have been lying on a board. I was uncomfortable physically and emotionally. I don’t know if that is the right category to put how you feel when your body is in a strange and vulnerable position, its the only word I can think of. The nice nurse who told me about the books stood on the side of the table I was facing which was the side facing the wall. She had about two feet of space to squat down so she could look at my face. She tried to talk to me and keep me somewhat distracted. I kept getting more tired and uncomfortable. I just wanted to close my eyes and wait for it to be over, but I would open my eyes when she came over and try to have a conversation with her, nodding at her words and trying to add a few of mine. Even in this state, I was trying to be polite to this nice lady rather than doing what I really wanted to do.
Because of the location of the calcifications, it took them a long time to get my breast in position. The technician would clamp my breast, take a picture to see if she was in the right spot, unclamp, readjust, take another picture and repeat. She repeated this series at least 10 times. They had to find the correct spot for the needle to go in. They couldn’t move the needle, but they thought they could move me. Finally, she got it in the right spot. It was time for the numbing needle. I love that in order to be numb to pain that we know is coming we must have a little pain. The doctor stuck me with the local anesthetic many times. Fortunately I only felt it the first time. Then it was time for the biopsy. The machine was set up so the needle would enter my breast in a certain spot and take out a piece of tissue, then it would come out and go in another spot. It would move in a circle like a clock going in and out 12 times. I felt a slight vibration on the table, but felt no pain. The nurse kept chatting with me, the needle was doing its job and now my right arm was falling asleep. I couldn’t move. They had me in the perfect place. If I moved they would have to redo what they had done, so I lay still. Finally, the biopsy was complete, but the poking wasn’t. As the anesthesia was wearing off it was time to insert the clip. Because the biopsy often removes some or all of the calcifications and future doctors need to know the location that all this occurred, they insert this metal clip which will only show up on x-rays. The doctor had to inject me with more anesthesia, then one more needle would insert this clip. The clip was like a small flag saying “I have conquered!” Not unlike what soldiers do when they take a territory. My breast had been taken, it had been conquered with 12 deadly sword attacks. I was defeated. They took a few more pictures. Then I was released from the clamp. The nurse who had been talking to me had to put pressure on the hole they created for 5 minutes to stop the bleeding. She cleaned it up, taped on some gauze then sent me off for another set of pictures. I went back to the mammogram machine that I had begun with that day. The technician squeezed and took pictures. She needed to be sure the clip was there and in the right place. The squeezing restarted the blood flow. I was embarrassed when I realized I had gotten blood all over me and the machine. I wouldn’t have gotten it on myself if someone had told me what to do with my arms. I folded them and squeezed the blood right onto my arms.
I was instructed to get dressed. They would let my husband know I was done. I could go home and rest. I needed to stay out of the shower for 24 hours. I needed to refrain from lifting for 5 days. I needed to leave the bandage on for 24 hours. They gave me some pain medication and sent me home. I quickly called the school and told them I wouldn’t be in on Thursday. The anesthesia made me a little queasy that evening. I ate very little. The next day I began getting a cold or some sort of thing. I was weak and tired. I was pretty sure the biopsy hadn’t caused that. It was just good timing. Perhaps it was brought on by 2 weeks of stress. I’ve learned over the years that stress will make me sick faster than any bug or germ. Unfortunately, the stress was only beginning. The results of the biopsy would come in 2-3 days. I would rest and wait.
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