Pink Story: It's Not Exactly Cancer

Historically, I’m not very good at being sick.  Don’t get me wrong, I love laying around and watching television, sleeping all day and having people wait on me, but that’s not usually what happens.  Usually I get sick the day after I decided not to clean up the house, the day after I took a day off and the laundry has become a clothes volcano, the dishes look like skyscrapers on the counter, the dog hair is forming into new animals on the floor and my youngest daughter has begun to draw pictures in the dust.  I can’t do anything about it, but I sure would like someone to.  

So, I am sick and helpless, I stay away from the mess hoping that “out of sight, out of mind” really works, but it doesn’t.  I know the house is a mess.  I can’t solve that problem and my family has their own list of “to dos.”  They can’t help.  I close my eyes.  I change the channel.  I know it is more important for me to rest and be healthy, I know the housework isn’t that big of a deal, I know that I’m the only person it bothers. All that knowledge does little good for the battle inside me.  I change the channel and try not to think about it.  Maybe I can pay someone to clean it up.  

I stayed down most of the weekend.  Later, I would find out that my need to rest because I didn’t feel well had nothing to do with the biopsy.  Most people bounce right back from those biopsies, Fortunately, I wasn’t most people and I wouldn’t do anything the way most people do.

Friday afternoon I got a call from someone at the doctor’s office.  I don’t remember who it was or what their title was.  I thought I heard them say something about radiology.  I know it wasn’t a doctor or nurse and I know it was a male.  He told me that the biopsy results were in.  It was a precursor to cancer.  If I left it alone it would probably turn into cancer.  They will want to remove it.  I amazingly felt relieved.  I had a sense this wasn’t going to be nothing, but if it had to be something this is the best something it could be.  All they will need to do is remove it.  I will hear from my doctor and get more information next week, but it was nice to have some information for now.  

I was sharing with a friend that my greatest emotions came with the unknown.  This was known, there was a plan of attack.  I was nervous about surgery and recovery, but not as scared as I was before.  The unknown is terrifying.  It plays with your mind and it takes all your energy to keep your mind under control.  

I called everyone and told them what the mysterious person said.  I told people at church.  I texted family and friends that were looking for a quick answer.  We all breathed easier.  It wasn’t cancer.  It was something that happens before cancer, but it wasn’t cancer.  I relaxed that weekend.  I felt a heavy weight lift from my shoulders.  It was going to be okay.  I finally started to breathe again.