On my 36th birthday, I was scheduled to get the CT scan that would map out the area they need to radiate. Reality began again. I had a little time off of seeing doctors and thinking about cancer. It came rushing back on this day. It was easier when there were no appointments. I could forget what was going on for short periods of time until something would hurt again. I would enjoy those moments of forgetfulness.
For the CT scan, I had to lie on an uncomfortable, flat bed. They lined up 3 lasers. One of them hit my left side under my arm, the second hit my right side under my other arm and the third one hit in the middle of my sternum. Once I was lined up and the lasers were in place, I got my first tattoo. The lady gave it in the old fashioned way, a needle with ink on it. I got 3 tattoos that resembled a pencil mark in the 3 places the lasers were lined up. When I go to get radiation, they will use those marks to make sure I am in the same place each time.
I am very anxious about radiation. What will it do to me? How will it affect me at my job since I have to get radiation treatment every day? What side effects will I get? They said you feel like you have a sunburn and get tired. Perhaps I won’t get all the side effects they told me about. Perhaps this will be easy for me.
The unknown was upon me again. The unknown is a very scary thing. I need to remember to trust and surrender my worries. No matter what happens, I need to remember I will be okay.
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