Pink Story: Radiation Day

The day arrived.  December 11th brought my first day of radiation treatment.  The plan was that I would leave school about 30 minutes early each day so I could get to treatment on time.  I already had an aide in my room during that time.  She would simply finish the day with them and send them home as I rushed out the door.  

Unfortunately, on this particular day I felt tired and was feeling a little sick.  I had to ignore my feelings because I had work to do.  I had my radiation treatment to begin.  I found it interesting that I called it “my” radiation treatment as if I wanted to claim it, make sure no one else claimed it.  I suppose it was true, it didn’t belong to anyone else.  

One of the tough things about beginning radiation treatment was that once I began I couldn’t stop.  It was a 6 ½ week process with no break.  I went to treatment 5 days a week.  It was a 35 minute drive each way.  I didn’t get to take a day off or travel or simply call in sick.  I hated that I was afraid of the side effects: skin irritation, hair loss, tiredness. . .  I wished I could believe I wouldn’t feel any of those.  I wished I didn’t have to worry about what soap I would use for the next 6 weeks or which bra I would wear or that I had to stop shaving my armpits.  

They told me my skin would be irritated so I needed to use a mild soap and stop shaving.  I would have to wear a sports bra because a regular one would hurt. I was devastated.  Thankfully it was winter and no one would see my hairy armpit, but the bra thing was more difficult.  I am what most would call blessed in the chest department (I don’t always feel that way), going without a supportive bra while still working was unbearable to think about.  I kept wishing everything could be “normal.”  I wished I could have a day where I didn’t think about cancer.  I wished my life didn’t have to be turned upside down for 6 ½ weeks.

None of these wishes were going to come true for a few months.  Yet, I knew I would be okay.  I just didn’t know how hard I wanted to work at all of this.  I had 2 days of feeling strong and normal the week before.  I would have a new definition of strength after this was over.  I would be okay only because I never had to do any of this alone.