Pink Story: Hear my Soul

On November 2nd some dear friends came to visit.  We hadn’t visited with them since this journey began. After sharing some simple food and catching up on some events of the past few months, I found myself sharing everything. I shared the freeway analogy and my aspirations to be strong and powerful like a wolf.  

My trust in my friend was revealed in the fact that I was willing to share my soul. She was blown away by my writing and considered that perhaps writing would help her with all she’s going through. I was blessed by their visit. I can still see her eyes as she hears every word I say.  I don’t have to rush to the end of my story.  I don’t have to shorten it.  She completely listened and heard my soul. These kinds of friends are as precious as gems.

Sponge-like Souls

Today I was using a sponge to do some deep cleaning.  I started out with clean soapy water.  As the once soapy water began turning brown so did the water that came from the sponge when I squeezed it.

The only thing that will come out of my sponge is what it has already absorbed.  As much as I would like clean soapy water to come from my sponge, I will only get the type of water that the sponge absorbed from the sink. If I put the sponge in milk, milk will come out when I squeeze it. There is no mystery, whatever went in will come out during the squeezing.

It works the same with us.  Whatever we are filled with is what will come oozing out when we are squeezed. We may wish that the pressures of life will bring out strength and peace and wisdom.  These things only come out of us if we spent time soaking them up before we were squeezed.  We can't determine what oozes from us.  We can only determine what goes in.  What do we fill our hearts and minds with while things are good.  While we are at peace and able to rest, what do we absorb in our sponge-like souls?  What we absorb will always be what comes out.  During times of peace we need to allow ourselves to sit in the clean water, the peaceful moments and soak in wisdom.  When the squeezing comes, everyone will see what we spent time absorbing.  The truth of what we are made of will ooze out and reveal our souls.

Pink Story: Equipped

“I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will equip you for the journey (Jesus Calling).”

This quote comes from Psalm 118.  The rest of it praises God for everything He is and everything He has done.  So many times on our journeys we want to know what will happen.  How will everything get worked out?  What job will I have?  Who will I marry?  What will my kids be like?  Will I ever get out of debt?  Can this relationship be mended?  The questions don’t stop.  I am thankful many times that God doesn’t show me what will happen.  I would probably protest or try to help Him.  I am thankful He has given me every tool to be victorious for whatever is in store for me.  The future is still full of many questions, but I am equipped.

Rainbows

From a very early age, most children get excited about seeing a rainbow.  I remember drawing rainbows in many of my elementary school pictures.  We think of hope when we see a rainbow.  We feel encouraged.  It is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  It reminds us of the possible treasure that may be hidden at the end.The rainbow comes after the storm to encourage us that the storm won't last forever.

As a science teacher, I know that in order to have a rainbow you need water and sunlight.  With that knowledge, I am immediately swiveling my head like a Lazy Susan to find the rainbow as soon as I see the sun peek out beyond the rain-filled clouds.

I had that opportunity the other day.  My oldest and I were driving home in the car.  The clouds above us were as dark as night and had begun pelting us with torrential rain and hail.  We could see the blue sky.  It was almost above us!  We were anticipating the halting of the rain any second.  My head began it's swivel. There had to be a rainbow somewhere.  With this much water falling through through the atmosphere and and the bright sun almost blinding me, I could guarantee the presence of a rainbow. I found it.  It was behind me.  It was vivid and arched perfectly.  I recognized it.  Then I noticed something I hadn't before.  The rainbow's backdrop was the dark clouds.

A rainbow requires water and sunlight, but you will find the rainbow in the darkness.  The rainbows don't show themselves amid the blue sky like all children draw in their kindergarten pictures.  Rainbows are framed by the storm clouds, the darkness, the gloominess.  How perfect!  We would probably not enjoy the rainbow quite so much if it was situated in the perfect blue sky.  We celebrate it and point to it when it shines amidst the storm.

If we avoid the storm, we avoid the rainbow.  If we avoid the darkness, we miss the beauty.  If we avoid the pain, we miss the hope and joy and light that can only come from it.

Pink Story: November 1st

November 1st finally came.  November 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because after a month of scary Halloween decorations and conversations, the Halloween holiday time is finally over. The month of October makes everyone think Halloween.  It permeates the television ads and shows. It fills the aisles in the stores. I don’t mind the little kids dressing up in cute costumes for candy.  I simply can’t stand all the spooky things.  I get it, but I don’t like it.  

Every year we have a parade of costumes at the school where students can walk down the hall and show off their costumes to each other.  I love the cute, creative ones.  There is not a lot of creativity in the scary ones.  The commercials advertising scary movies and the crazy decorations that people put up does not bring me joy so when November 1st comes, I take a breath and am happy to begin thinking of Thanksgiving and Christmas instead of the horrible Halloween.

These last five years I have enjoyed Halloween night when the local kids come trick or treating.  Since I teach at the school near our neighborhood, all former, future and past students come to my door. It's a treat for me when they are shocked to see a familiar face.  I love the squeals of greeting when I surprise them.  They didn't expect to see their teacher at the door. Those shocked faces beat the scary ones every time.

This has little to do with my journey over the last two months except that the date alone brings me peace. I get to enjoy the beginning of a season where most people try to be more positive than at other times of the year. This month also brings the next steps in my journey.

Victorious Voice

I hadn't realized that it took 2 months to begin believing the words I was telling myself during the beginning of my breast cancer diagnosis.  Those 2 months ended over 4 years ago.  There have been many days since when I still have to control my thoughts.

I have to daily feed myself positive thoughts about who I am, encouragement about what I can do, hopes about the future and belief that none of the things that come at me in this life will take me down.

I remind myself that I am healthy.  Being 40 with a health history doesn't stop me from accomplishing major physical tasks like moving heavy weights and running distances.  I remind myself of my wonderful family.  I am eternally blessed to have my girls and my husband.  My girls have character beyond what I ever dreamed or hoped for them.  My husband is the model of support and stability.  I remind myself of what I have already accomplished.  Once I graduate with my master's degree, I will have completed 20 years of schooling, for 7 years of that time I was an adult with responsibilities.  I remind myself I've already gone through the trials of breast cancer, dealt with surprise physical limitations, some of which won't leave me.  I remind myself of my goals and hopes.  I remind myself of which goals I've accomplished and which ones I still need to complete.

If I want to be victorious, I have to keep the thoughts of weakness, inability, lack and weariness away.  They will always be there, but their voice should never be louder than the victorious voice.  Even if it takes a battle, the voice of victory over trials and hardships in life must prevail. Then we will prevail.

Pink Story: Making Habits

People say that you must do something over and over again until it's real.  It could be a new habit you are trying to acquire, a belief you are trying to have, or a job you are trying to learn.  It is in the repetition that you begin to master whatever you want to master.

On October 30th, after days of the emotional roller coaster I awoke feeling better than I had felt in days.  I felt at peace and ready to take on whatever the day held.  The next day I leaned in to my Daddy the way I have for years.  Whenever something had come along that was difficult or stressful or scary I would lean on Him knowing that He had it taken care of.  He wasn’t surprised by anything happening in my life.  He wasn't stumped at what to do.  He loved me and whatever terrible thing was trying to take me out He would help me through it.  

For a few days I felt strong because, for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t trying to hold myself up. It seems that it takes many days of telling yourself that something is true before you actually believe it and act on it.  I was feeling like all those things I had been telling myself for the past month about faith and hope and strength were actually a reality in me and I didn't have to fight so hard to believe them or convince myself of them.