Pink Story: Live Truth

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on October 1, 2012.  I had a lumpectomy on November 12, 2012.  I spent the next December and January receiving radiation treatment.  As soon as my treatment was over I had a bad reaction to something that happened to me and my face swelled up like a party balloon.  As the swelling went down and my body began to try to heal from the radiation treatment, I found myself daily being thankful for the health I had and that each moment I was getting healthier.  I kept track of each thing I was able to do that I hadn’t done before.  I celebrated daily.

At the end of the most difficult part of the journey and the beginning of the healing process, I wrote:

I’m getting there.  This journey has helped me see the truth of me and my world and my role in it.  Without this journey, I would still be lost or blind or both.

I was learning to write the truth, telling myself the truth and being okay with it.  Reality doesn’t change just because you don’t want to believe it’s reality.  

I was in that place of choice.  I was finished with all the really crazy parts of breast cancer.  I was at a place where I could make a choice.  I could choose to be a part of the breast cancer community, go to groups and fundraisers and such or I could pretend it didn’t happen, it was not a part of me and only remember when I have an appointment.

I believe if I chose to forget I would be lying to myself and cheating myself of growth and revelation.  Yes, the worst was over.  Yes, they couldn’t heal me any more than they did, but the experience had still formed me and put its stamp on me.  If I ignored that transformation I would be ignoring a piece of myself.

Truth is knowing oneself and accepting oneself, scars and all.  My story may inspire someone, but not if I ignore it.  My story may empower me, but not if I pretend it never happened.  My story may encourage someone, but not if I don’t tell it.

My story doesn’t end here.  I had days where I felt amazing and days where I was tired and weary.  My body still surprised me by having unexpected issues whenever it wanted.  Daily, I fought the mental battle to stand, to run, to move forward even if I didn’t feel like it.  Daily, I celebrated what I could do and accepted what I couldn’t.  Most of the time I didn’t believe my limitations would be forever which made it easier to move forward one day at a time.  

It has been almost 5 years since my diagnosis.  This is the point where the doctors stop seeing me regularly.  It is good news.  I am cancer free.  I am not free of the experience or the effects on my mind and body.  I hope people who go through difficult times like this take it easy on themselves, give themselves room to rest and to heal and remember that it is okay to have a bad day and it is okay to let others help.