Pink Story: Puffy Face

My pain woke me up at 1:30 in the morning.  I shouldn’t claim the pain, it’s not mine.  It was a pain in my face that could only be described as burning, worse than any sunburn I’ve ever had.  The only relief I could find was under a cool, wet washcloth.  I stayed home from work to see the doctor.  I still could have done my job, but it would have been at the expense of my health.

I was scared that the doctor wouldn’t know how to fix me.  I was afraid they would say it was still a reaction to the drugs and I needed to wait longer.  I needed to be all better, no pain, no puffiness.

This week was supposed to be the beginning of my healing, instead, it became the beginning of what felt like the worst experience so far.  My face was swollen like I was allergic to bee stings and I got stung by a one the size of a hummingbird.  My eyes were squinty.  I had to use forehead muscles to open them.  The skin on my cheeks was dry and stretched.  I could sand a piece of wood by rubbing it back and forth on my cheek.  My mouth was squeezed in by my plump cheeks as if I was pursing my lips or preparing for a kiss.  All of this caused throbbing pain from my forehead to my chin.

I had no body image issues with a scarred or lumpy breast from a lumpectomy.  This puffy face made me want to wear a mask.  I felt ugly enough to be cast in a batman movie.  

I was tired of having physical problems.  I was weary of constant pain.  I wanted to be fixed.  I simply wanted someone to make me better.  I didn’t consider a balloon face would be a side effect to anything they did to my boob.  I had surgery to remove the cancer and radiation treatment on the affected area. My face was never involved in any of this.  I understood the pain in my arm, my chest, even my back, but not my face.  I guess I hadn’t dealt with my vanity yet.  I had to be hideous for a week.  I’m sure smiling made me look better, but I didn’t want to smile, I didn’t want anyone looking at me.  I thought about wearing a ski mask or letting my hair hang in my face.  My wish: “Oh, to escape would be bliss.”