Orange Story: Moving Slowly

My face felt freaky.  It felt crooked.  Whether I wanted to or not, drool and tears leaked out of the left side of my face.  My left hand had trouble doing things without me concentrating.  It's very surreal to not be able to blindly move your body.  This whole thing was surreal.

I wasn't quite broken yet, a bit of me kept venturing down the path of, "Oh no, now what?" Then I came back and dealt with the present and reminded myself I was strong enough.

MS is essentially when your immune system attacks the protective covering over your nerves.  This covering is called the myelin sheath and it allows electrical impulses to transmit quickly and efficiently along the nerve cells.  The connection gets messed up when the protective covering is damaged.  The messages don't get where they are supposed to go.  I understood this, but at this time I was experiencing it. I couldn't control parts of my body, my arm and face, the way I was used to.  Fleeting seconds of freak out where quickly squelched by the reminder that I had to keep moving and any sort of panic wouldn't change my situation.  I didn't know for sure that MS was causing my issues, but it didn't matter.  I couldn't function the same way I was used to.

Don't take anything for granted: the ability to smile, to walk or run, to fold clothes, to hold something in your hand, to type, to talk, to swallow. . . I was much slower doing these things the day after I had been to the hospital.  My smile was crooked.  My left hand required concentration to operate, if I didn't concentrate it would do things like tip the cup I was holding or stop midway when trying to put my hair behind my ear.  Activities that I could do while doing something else were much more difficult.  I tried to type substitute plans, it was extremely difficult, my hand wouldn't obey me.

In my head I told myself it was MS, but it could have been something else.  Either way I was less capable.  I was crying yesterday because it was difficult to fold clothes.  I apparently still took pride in my capabilities because when they are taken away or reduced I am quickly humbled.

I was thankful it was my left hand and not my right.  I was thankful for loving family and friends.  I was also scared about the unknown, the future, tomorrow. . . I tried to make a phone call.  It was difficult to talk on the phone because I couldn't hold it to my ear.

I had to trust and know I would be okay whatever the ultimate outcome.