3 Types of People

Up until 3 days ago, I had been unable to work for 5 weeks.  I wasn't out of work.  I wasn't taking a vacation.  I was unable.  For the first part of that month I couldn't walk, sit or stand without debilitating pain.  The second part of the month was spent recovering from back surgery.  I walked a little bit more each day in order to gain strength.  It turns out that when you are forced to be on your back for multiple weeks, your legs start to loose their ability to move properly.  

I'm thankful I'm back to work.  I'm thankful the only pain I have is an ache because my muscles are still getting stronger.  I'm thankful, thankful, thankful.  This is not what I want to talk about.

One observation I've made in returning to work is that there have been 3 different types of people welcoming me back to after my long absence.  There were the dear people who had been concerned and worried and were so glad I was able to return to school and that I was feeling better.  The second group were people who welcomed me back because they thought they should.  They didn't really care one on way or another.  The third group of people didn't believe that I actually needed to miss that much work.  These people haven't said this outright, but their behavior towards me makes it very clear that my absence was an inconvenience for them and they aren't certain it needed to happen.

Other people's reactions don't affect me because I know what I had to do and will always take care of my health.  I know that I did everything I had to do and I don't have to answer to them.

Unfortunately, these reactions don't only happen to me.  People everywhere are judging other people's lives and situations and thinking they understand.  It happened to me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Everyone who knew someone who had cancer was suddenly an expert on my situation.  People who know others with MS try to tell me how to act because those people are fine, I should be fine.  People who are judging me now know someone with back surgery or they know someone who has nerve problems.  They are judging my actions based on the situations of the people they know or think they know.  

Remember to be compassionate, understanding and a good listener.  Remember that everyone has to walk their own path.  They have to account for their actions on their journey.  Judgement creates chasms of space between relationships that can't be bridged.  Judgement closes doors.  Judgement pushes people away.  

Everyone's story is different.  It's okay to share stories and learn and grow from each other's journeys, but there is never a time when you can judge another's journey without walking in their shoes.  Even if you are able to walk in their shoes, it still won't be their journey because those shoes weren't met for you. 

Try to open your eyes throughout your day and see what is truly around you.  See the weary waitress who is trying to do her best, but her baby kept her awake all night.  See the tired Grandma who is trying to raise her grandchildren.  See the children who are only misbehaving because no one is paying attention to them.  

You don't know the whole story.  Please, soften your heart and see and keep your mind from judging.  Consider the circumstances that have made this person behave this way or make these decisions.  It isn't always black and white.  There is usually much more to the story.

Yes, I take my own advice.  I am not judging the people who are judging me.  I understand they don't really know what I went through.  All they know is  I made their life difficult.  They can't imagine taking that kind of time off of work.  That's okay.  I will do everything in my power to make their lives easy.  Hopefully I can help them with their burden.  I have no expectations from them.  I hope eventually they won't be upset with me anymore.