Dropping Off and Letting Go

My husband and I have been very fortunate to be teachers.  Throughout our careers and our daughter's education, we have rarely had to leave them at school.  They either attended school where my husband worked or where I worked.  We didn't necessarily see them throughout the day, but we were in the same building.  We traveled to school together, we went to our respective places first thing in the morning, passed each other in the halls, met up again at the end of the day and traveled home together. 

The only days I had to drop them off and drive away was when I was sick and wouldn't be going to work.  It didn't matter how old and responsible they were, dropping them off at school always caused a little tear in my heart.  I was entrusting them completely to the adults in the building.  I wouldn't be just down the hall.  I would be a 10 mile drive away.  

I know many people who do this daily.  They put their kids on buses, they drop them at the front doors.  Some don't even get to see their kids get on and off the bus because their work hours don't align so nicely with school hours.  I know how fortunate I am.

Yesterday, I had another of those slightly painful moments as I let my children go again.  My oldest daughter just got her license.  I am ready for it.  I was already driving quite a bit at her age.  I am ready for her to take her and her sister places.  She is super responsible and dependable.  I know I can trust her.  These facts don't matter on the day she goes out in the car for the first time alone.  I won't be next to her in the passenger seat helping her with directions.  I won't be there to remind her to give a buffer between her and other cars.  I won't be an extra set of eyes watching for someone to pull out in front of her.  She will have to see all those things on her own.  She will have to make the decisions on her own.  It doesn't matter how amazing and responsible she is, letting her go was painful, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her out there.  Any help I gave her had to already happen in our many rides in the car before this day.

As I write this, I realize this is parenting.  We only have our children with us for a moment.  The tools we give them, the lessons we teach them, the advice we impart on them only happens when they are with us.  Once they walk out the door to take on the world on their own it is too late.  I can't help them make wise choices when they are alone.  I can only pray that I have shared enough and been enough of an example that they will hear my voice in their head.  I can only hope they will pause and think before acting.  I can only wish they will put safety above all else.  

I can't always be there.  I can't always be the helpful, sound, wise voice in their ear helping them through each decision.  But when I am there, I will be that voice.  I will speak to them about my decisions and why I made them.  I will share my mistakes and tell them about the pain those mistakes caused.  I will reveal the choices I wish I had made, sparing me pain.  I will share my thoughts.  I will share my hopes for them.  I will be present when they are with me so when they are not they will carry that wisdom with them and be victorious when they are on their own.

I may always feel pain in my heart wondering and worrying about my girls.  I am thankful that I can take great peace in the fact that I gave them all I could and there is nothing more I could have done.  

Cherish the moments to teach and encourage your children when they are young.  Once they leave, those are the words they will remember and live by.