Punches and Slugs

What do you do when you fall?

Do you roll around on the ground hoping someone will see you before you finally get up?
Do you hop up like a spring hoping no one will notice you fell?
Do you get up, dust yourself off, figure out why you fell and learn from it?

Even though I've done all three, I hope I have done the last one the most.

Sometimes we like to be noticed.  Sometimes we want others to notice our pain or our fall.  We want to hear their sympathy.  The best example of this is portrayed by young children.  They fall and even if they aren't hurt, they want you to know.  They want you to come running, they want you to hear their cries.  They want to be consoled.  We all have these moments.  We all have moments when we want someone to notice we are on the ground.  We want someone to notice we are hurt.  We aren't too eager to bounce back, the compassion feels nice.

Sometimes we don't want anyone to see us.  We made a mistake, we did something we shouldn't have, we forgot our age for a moment and we fell.  We are embarrassed and are turning red.  We jump up from our landing place regardless of whether we are bleeding or not, look around to see who saw us then pretend nothing happened.  The last thing we want is to be noticed.

Sometimes falls take us by surprise.  We find ourselves down, we are hurt but we didn't do anything to cause the fall, it just happened.  We check our surroundings, we cautiously get back up.  We see what caused the fall and are prepared to watch for it in the future hoping to avoid it if it comes around again.  These falls are often caused by outside sources.  We were paying attention, we weren't looking for attention, we just went down.

I've fallen or been knocked down so many times.  Whichever way I keep getting up, I keep getting up.  It doesn't do any good to stay on the ground.  It doesn't do any good to cry.  It doesn't do any good to sit and wait to be noticed.  The only thing that works for me is to get back up. I hope I learn from the fall.  Sometimes I learn, sometimes it takes many more falls to learn.

Cancer is the equivalent of a punch in the face.  It feels like you are walking down the sidewalk, minding your own business when a stranger punches you in the face and keeps walking.  You didn't do anything to deserve it.  It takes you completely by surprise and there is very little you can do to fix it.  There will never be an answer to why, the stranger has disappeared.  Cancer tried to knock me down.  Each morning I would get back up.  During the day, the weight would get heavy, I would stop trying to carry it and get back up over and over and over.  Today, I still bear the scars of cancer.  I still have daily pain from the treatment.  I don't get to forget the slug to my face, but I also won't forget the strength I discovered.  Because of that slug to my face, If you have cancer, I understand.  I understand if you are sick.  I've been there and I am happy to sit with you whether you are still down or have found the strength to get back up.

At the moment when cancer seemed to be behind me and I was ready to get strong and healthy again, I got another punch.  This time it was to my gut.  I went to bed perfectly healthy and woke up with MS symptoms.  I tried to jump up from this one.  I tried to act like it was no big deal.  The trip to the doctor quickly woke me up.  This was another stranger punching me in the stomach then running off.  I didn't do anything to get MS and I wouldn't be able to make it go away.  The MS roller coaster was more difficult physically than I had expected.  That slug to the stomach did more damage than at first glance.  I was forced to change my diet in order to keep the pain away.  I was forced to change my schedule in order to maintain my energy.  Today, after 3 years, MS doesn't control me the way it did in the beginning, but it left a mark.  My life will always be a bit different and that stranger who slugged me is part of a gang, any one of them could be back at any time to try to take something else.  I can choose to constantly be looking over my shoulder or I can get up and keep walking.

I know you and I get knocked down by something everyday.  Sometimes it is big like MS and cancer, but most of the time it is little like that mean comment or that exhausting schedule.  How do you get back up?  Do you get back up?  How do you shake off the dust and bruises and keep walking?  What pushes you to rise above the pain?  What gives you strength to keep moving?

I hope there are great answers to these questions.  I hope you have faith and friends and fortitude, but above all I hope you find a way to get back up.  Look back at the last time you were knocked down.  Look at what you have done since then.  You are strong and none of these punches to the face and slugs to the gut are going to take you out. 

Moldable

I took a personality test a while ago.  It told me I was a peacemaker.  I do everything I can to create peace.  I read the description of the personality with tears in my eyes.  It couldn't have described me better. 

I am so good at making peace that I will neglect myself.  I will deprive myself of my own joy and my own peace to create a peaceful environment.  It's okay.  I learned that's how I tick.  It was helpful to discover these truths.  I was free to live in them and I didn't need to try to change.  I know my weaknesses and do all I can to turn them to strengths, but in the meantime I accept who I am.

I'll go where you want to eat, do what you want to do.  I may even take on your hobbies.  When asked what I like to do, I often answer with hobbies that the people around me like to do.  I do most things now because my husband started doing them and I joined in.  He started surfing, I joined him.  He started skateboarding, I joined him.  He got me drinking coffee.  I used to camp and ride motorcycles because that is what my family did.  I love puzzles!  I love them because I love them.  Sometimes I love them alone. 

I don't know your personality type.  I don't know how you survive the trails and trials.

You are unique.  You are wonderful.  Each day you get to walk in your shoes.  You get to travel your special path with the flowers, the rocks, the hills, the valleys, the mountains, the streams, and the views. You get to shine.  You get to win battles.  You get to discover new strengths.  You get to overcome weaknesses.  You get to love.  You get to have compassion.  You get to make room for those that are traveling their journey along side you.

I pray you find hope, peace and joy on your journey while you continue to be you. 

Why wasn't God at church today?

I went to church the other day.  I went to be with people.  I went to participate in another's traditions. 

I was sad.

I was sad to say hello to half a dozen people who seemed anxious to shake my hand and move onto the next person.

I was sad when I saw the shallow hope in their eyes that I was here to stay, that I would begin to be a part of their group.  They never understood or cared to know I didn't even live in their town.

I was sad to see everyone seemingly listening, but I knew many would go home taking nothing with them and changing nothing in their lives.  They would continue to argue and fight and their actions would never reveal they professed to love Jesus.

I was sad that my presence there and my behavior there was more important then who I was, what I thought or the story I might have to tell.  They counted me as a number in a seat.  I made them look good to the person keeping score.

Many people greeted each other and asked, "How are you?"  They didn't want the real answer, their eyes had already moved on.  There were no conversations that lasted more than a few seconds.

No one answered honestly.  No one talked about a rough week or an amazing week.  They all said, "Fine." They all moved on.

The preacher thought he was reminding people not to get disappointed when they expect things from God and it doesn't seem like He delivers.  He forgot to tell them to love and trust God.

God doesn't owe us anything.  He isn't required to take away our pain and to make the mountains flat.  It isn't His job to make our life more palatable or easy. 

He already did everything for us.

He already showed us how much He loved us.  He already made it possible for us to hang out with Him whenever we want.  He already made it possible to choose to ignore Him if we want.  He already made it possible to trust, hope and lean on Him for everything.

I don't expect Him to fix my life.  I expect Him to walk with me.

I don't expect Him to make things easier or better.  I expect Him to make me strong enough to take on the challenges. 

He didn't take away cancer, but He gave me the strength to survive the treatments that would.  He didn't take away MS, but He gave me the wisdom to change my lifestyle so my body could still thrive.  He didn't take away my nerve pain, but he gave me the determination to work hard after back surgery to become as strong as I could.

I do a disservice to my students if I make their assignments easier.  I won't be preparing them for the next grade.  Instead, I come sit by them and help them understand.  I give them tools to succeed.  I encourage them not to give up.  If I take away the difficulty, I only make the future more difficult for them.

I grieved in that church.  I grieved the loss of the awareness that God is already with us, helping us and loving us along our journey. 

They sang and pleaded that Jesus would come.  I could hear Him sigh as He wanted to tell them He was already there.  They need only stop their schedule of events designed to impress people and sit and listen. 

They needed to turn off the spotlights and the cameras and simply understand that God isn't impressed by your technology or your music or your pre-planned words.  He only wants YOU.  He only wants to be a part of your life and let Him be a part of yours. 

He only wants you to lean on Him, depend on Him and trust that every mountain you must climb, every valley you must trudge through, every river you must swim, every desert you must meander through, every amazing view, every winding trail, every moment of every day He is with you.  He is there, loving you no matter what.  Everything else is a waste of our time and energy. 

Measure Up

The largest weight I lift in a workout now is 10 pounds.  I snatch 10 pound dumbbells.  I press 10 pound dumbbells.  I even clean 10 pound dumbbells.  I am capable of lifting more, but it is more important that I move correctly and quickly than lift a lot of weight. 

I saw a friend lift 10 pounds for the first time in 4 months.  I squealed with excitement for her. She may feel like it isn't enough or that it is no big deal, but I know it is a celebration.

It's all relative.  Our great achievements, our personal records, and our accomplishments are measured by the season of our lives. 

After cancer treatment was over, I was trilled to go on a 5 mile bike ride.  I was proud of my achievement.  Before MS, I was excited when I ran a mile and a half.  Before back surgery, I could do almost anything.  Every day, I accomplish something new.  I used all my sick days and am amazed at how I can survive the long days with no hope of extra rest.

I do something new each day.  I move faster, lift more, survive longer. 

Your accomplishment has nothing to do with the accomplishments of those around you, it is measured by what you have done before.  It is measured by your last achievement. 

I remind my students that their only job is to do better than last time, to grow a bit more than the day before.  They should not be measuring themselves against their peers, but against themselves. 

As you measure your success today.  The only scale you should be using is yesterday. 

Coffee

Coffee is one of my favorite things.  If I were to sing a song about my favorite things, I would always include coffee.  If I see a coffee cup on TV, empty or full, I want some. 

I get up out of bed in the morning slightly more quickly than I normally would because I know there is coffee waiting for me. 

Coffee in my hand, fire in front of me, dog by my feet are things that calm my spirit, prepare me for the day, and can relax me after a long day or a long week. 

I drink it black.  I used to drink it with a lot of sugary creamer.  The question, "Do you want some coffee with that creamer?" wouldn't be out of the question.  I weaned myself from sugary creamer to sugar and cream.  After MS took away dairy, I ventured into the almond milk arena and quickly ended up with black coffee.  I love that I drink it black.  I love that if someone has coffee, I don't ever have to worry about what creamer they have.  I can simply drink the coffee.

I didn't start drinking coffee until after my oldest daughter was born.  I'd only been enjoying it for about a year when I stopped while my youngest daughter was growing inside me.  My husband introduced it to me.  He introduced me to most things I do now that I never did before.  I hope I introduced him to a few new things also.  I don't drink it because it wakes me up, although it probably does.  I drink it because the warm black liquid calms me.  It makes me feel like I am taking a break in the middle of the most hectic day. 

Coffee reminds me of my grandma.  She always had coffee on.  She drank it all day.  She liked sharing it with others.  I can still see her grin as she offers me a cup and is thrilled that I am going to say, "yes."

Coffee is like my glue, band-aid, peace offering, security blanket and dessert.  It isn't liquid in a cup.  It is peace and friends and moments all wrapped up with porcelain.

I discovered coffee later in my life.  I'm thankful for it.  It was the first thing I wanted the morning after my surgery.  I called the hospital cafeteria to order my breakfast and ensured they had coffee.  The eggs and bacon were nice, but the coffee brought me home while sitting in the hospital bed.  It was how I survived each and every day of cancer, coffee and a notebook.  It was one of the tell tale signs that MS had come, the coffee tried to slip out of the side of my mouth.

I'm always looking for those special moments, those special tools that make my days peaceful.  Life is not full of peace.  Life is full of adventures, problems, unexpected disturbances, and surprises.  We have to find peace.  We have to seek it out.  We have to look under rocks, behind curtains and in the tops of the tallest trees.  We need it, but it will always hide.  When we find it, we must wrap both our hands around it, sip it slowly while enjoying the taste and the warmth fill our souls.

Forgetting Blessings

Pain makes us stronger.  Difficulties bring out our character.  The ups and downs of life teach us how to live.

Sometimes I think I focus on the difficulties more than the blessings because on any given day most people have something they must overcome and I write to encourage those people.  

I hope that as each of us prepares to fight our battles, we stand strong and firm.  I hope that we remember it is only a battle and we will come out on top in the end.  Once the difficulty is passed, we will bear the battle scars.  We will be smarter and stronger and wiser.  

I hope I can encourage you to keep fighting.  I hope I can remind you this battle will only last a season.  It will end.  I hope I can encourage you to remember your blessings.  I hope I can inspire you to keep walking, keep stepping down the path with your eyes on the view.  

Because I am always sharing about my own journey through the rocks and mountains and mud, I have to work harder to remember the amazing parts of my journey.

I am thankful for my husband, my daughters and my family.  I am thankful for my friends.  I am thankful for my home.  I am thankful for my job.  I am thankful for the gift of health I have.  I am thankful for my strength.  I am thankful for the gift of each moment.

Sometimes, I simply take in the moments.  Sometimes I am watching and overwhelmed with emotion and I have to sit and take it in.  Sometimes I am careful to sit back and let others shine and celebrate, I don't want to take their light.  Sometimes I am too careful and it looks like I don't care.   I promise, I am simply there.

I've said it before.  There are more difficult steps in our journey than easy ones, but the difficult ones make us stronger.  In the midst of your journey and whatever part you are on, take in the blessings.  Take in the beautiful and amazing and special moments that make the steep mountains worth every painful moment.

Control

Whenever I have an exceptionally bad day at work I end up looking to myself.  What can I do differently to change my day tomorrow?  How can I change my perspective?  How can I change my actions?  These are just a few of the questions I hear myself asking. 

I needed to ask these questions again this past week.  After the time change, my students were exhausted and had a difficult time making the good choices and controlling their impulses like they usually do.  I felt badly for how tired I knew they were.  At that young age, you don't always understand why you were short with your best friend or why you can't complete an assignment you normally can whiz through.  After a couple of these days, trying to encourage and convince the students to be kind to each other, I looked to myself.

Was I being short?  Was I forgetting to see the positive?  Was I harder on them simply because I was tired too?  I discovered all three answers were, yes. 

The next day, I changed me.  I changed my tone.  I looked for the amazing.  I gave more prizes.  I created more exciting avenues for learning. The past two days have been midday compared to the black night of the first two.

Next time the storm clouds come in and the thunder rolls in your life.  Look to yourself.  Even if the storm is brewing around you, you don't have to reflect it.  You can create your own weather and affect those around you with your new day.

I used the same tactic when my girls were little.  On the days when I felt like I was only nagging them and they just wouldn't listen.  I had to stop and reflect on me.  I found a way to change.  I found a way to be a part of their lives instead of simply standing back and ordering them around.  I found a way to show them that living isn't always work, it is enjoying each other and making each other happy and growing together.

Anytime I have disliked my situation, I start with myself.  There are definitely things those around me could change to make it easier, but I can't control them.  I can control me.  I can choose what I do, what I say and how I live.