Pink Story: Surviving the Difficult Days

Since I was beginning to feel better, (it takes a long time to recover from pneumonia) we decided to go to church for the first time in weeks.  At first I wanted to sneak in and sneak out, but instead I stayed present and was rewarded with gentle love, encouragement and support.  A friend of mine encouraged me and shared that the prayer group was praying for miraculous healing.  I assured her I’d take that prayer.  Being healed is always welcome.  I imagined miraculous healing to look like waking up cancer free.  As much as I appreciated the prayer, I didn’t exactly see God do that. I later wrote:

“I believe God will receive more glory from me going through this than from me being miraculously healed.  That doesn’t mean He won’t heal me, it doesn’t mean that I will have to venture down the worst path.  I just see a journey that will glorify Him and heal relationships.  He’s not making me sick.  He is using this opportunity, when people's hearts have been softened, to move.  He is using this opportunity, when people's eyes are opened, to reveal Himself.  If a person learns about Him from all this or leans closer to Him, He gets the glory.”  

As difficult as all this was, I knew that I would be okay.  I knew that I needed to record my thoughts and prayers so that I would stay sane.  If I had been left to my own devices, to think freely about all the "what ifs" or even to listen to some of the people around me I would have collapsed.  I had to stay focused on the now, stay focused on God, and keep my mind clear of garbage.  

My daily writing ritual that helped me focus was similar to the driver of an old car that only responds to the perfect actions of the driver:  before you start the car, pump the gas 3 times, put it in reverse then 1st gear, turn the wipers on and off once then turn the key twice.  On the second turn it will start.  If you neglect any step, the car just won’t run.  It was the same with my morning journal writing.  I had to begin by sharing my feelings, physically and emotionally, then my doubts, then my fears and finally a statement of faith that I trust my Daddy and it will be okay.  Those daily movements helped me to walk through each difficult day.