I started referring to God as "Daddy" at the moment that I knew he loved me more dearly than my husband loved his girls. I saw that love and unending desire to protect and bless them and I knew that my Heavenly Father's love was infinitely greater. The name, "Daddy" helps me remember he sees me as his daughter and cares about me more than anyone else.
This poem that I wrote gives a small glimpse into what my mental battle was every day:
my mind says what if?
My Daddy says I Am.
my mind says what’s next?
My Daddy says I Am with you.
my mind says I can’t.
My Daddy says in Me you can.
my mind says I have no strength.
My Daddy says I Am your strength.
my mind says Why?
My Daddy says I Am Glory.
my mind says I’m scared.
My Daddy says I Am with you.
my mind says it is dark.
My Daddy says I Am Light.
my mind says I am weary.
My Daddy says I Am rest.
my mind says this is heavy.
My Daddy says I will carry you.
my mind says I am weak.
My Daddy says I Am strong.
my mind says quit.
My Daddy says I love you.
my mind doesn’t give up.
My Daddy says I don’t grow tired.
my mind only speaks to me.
My Daddy says I hear every thought.
my mind tries to take me down.
My Daddy builds me up.
my mind travels to the unknown.
My Daddy knows all things
because of I Am, I can.
All this may sound victorious. The words on the page make it appear that I had it all together. The very next day I woke up and immediately began the forbidden path with my mind.
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