Bad Day

I am writing this, but I don't want to.

I realize that everyone has bad days.  Everyone has days where things don't go the way they want or they simply don't feel well.  I had a bad day recently and the last thing I wanted to do was write about it, but I will anyway.

Because I have MS, bad days come almost weekly.  A bad day usually comes because I used up more energy than I had.  It's no different than using more money than you have.  Once you're overdrawn, you have to wait until you acquire more income to pay the debt.  When I have overdrawn my energy account, I have to rest up until I have enough energy to start moving again.

Most of the time, I know I will have a bad day when I wake up. I don't feel like myself and I feel a bit foggy and slow. I'm able to take it easy, move slowly, rest and find more energy for the next day.  It get's very difficult when bad days start in the middle of the day while I'm already doing something. They sneak up on me when I'm interacting with people or working.  I can't stop to rest.  I can't sit down.  I can't take a break.  I have to keep moving.  The energy deficit gets larger during these times; it will take more than a day to recover.

I used to think that this would get easier, that I could manage my energy better so I would have fewer of these days.  I recently learned that all of this is typical with MS.  It is normal for most people so the chances that it will go away are very slim.

As a result, I will continue to do my best to use only the energy I have and not overdraw.  I will try to be wise with my resources, use my time efficiently and hope for fewer bad days.  Don't feel badly for me.  Don't feel sorry for me.  This is my reality.

I see people who spend excessive hours on their job or wear themselves out with duties.  I don't understand how they can push themselves so hard.  I forget that I once had that ability.  I don't have that ability now so I don't push myself.  I am forced to take care of myself.  I am forced to sleep a minimum of 7 hours a night.  I am forced to eat perfectly.  I have to exercise to keep myself as fit as I can. I am forced to use my time wisely.  All of these things are a good idea to maintain a healthy life.  It seems smarter to choose to do those things rather than wait to be forced to do it.

I get to make wise choices so I have energy and can be productive.  I think some people think I'm not working enough or doing enough.  They don't understand that I must make these choices for my health.

What would happen if we all made those choices?  Would we be happier?  Would we be healthier?