When the media portrays a person with cancer, the always address their chemotherapy treatment. I know that chemotherapy wreaks havoc on one’s body. Because of this media attention, I thought radiation would be easy. I figured I would sail through it with no problems. I didn’t. Radiation beat me up. From the first day, I was tired, I hurt, I felt like a had an intense sunburn. As the weeks went on, it got worse. I was teaching 31 students everyday. I was driving 30 minutes to and from radiation treatment at the end of my work day. Some days, I was on the verge of falling asleep in the car. I would eat dinner, go to bed and do everything again. While there was only a few weeks left, the pain got so bad that it hurt when I moved. My skin was turning to a pink, painful, leather. I was going to bed earlier and earlier. I was losing patience with my students.
I never imagined myself with failed health, especially at 36. I read in Psalm 73:26, “My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart.” I knew that I would get better eventually. At the time, I did not feel like myself. I was tired all of the time. I was in pain. I, who was normally very efficient, couldn’t do anything. It hurt to clean out the dishwasher. I was tired so tired, I would fall asleep while driving. I considered taking a pillow to school and napping under my desk while students were at lunch. I would rest and nap all weekend trying to store up rest like a chipmunk stores up nuts. I had minimal energy, what I did have I saved for school so my family got the leftovers. All of this was unexpected and unwelcome outcomes of radiation treatment.
However, through all of this God remained my strength. I got up in the morning because of Him. I did what I could do because He gave me strength. I had hope in 100% healing because I know he was healing me. I rested and had peace in this season because He was with me. I was not good at this, but He gave me grace to walk through it.
No comments:
Post a Comment