Over the past months I have noticed a phenomenon. Whenever I talk about my limitations, I cry. I don't mean to cry. I don't feel like crying. It simply comes out. If I share that I am having a bad day or that something hurts or that I can't do something, tears flow. It's a bit embarrassing because I can't control it. I begin talking about a weakness and water flows. It makes it difficult to speak and it doesn't encourage me to share.
I'm okay sharing about the past. I'm okay sharing about what I've overcome. I don't seem to like to share about the present weaknesses. It doesn't help when I am also tired and stressed.
As I reflected on this phenomenon and wondered why it kept happening, the only explanation I could come up with was that I want to be okay. I want to be capable. I want to be able to handle whatever comes at me. Admitting my weaknesses proves that I am not all of those things even if only for a moment.
I've accepted these things. It's always interesting to me why I operate the way I do. I suppose I hope that understanding myself will help me make the best decisions.
We could all use a little understanding of ourselves and each other. We are all doing the best we can with what we have.
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