Change

We all experience change.  Sometimes its that little weather change that drives us back inside to grab the warmer coat or the umbrella.  Sometimes its a seasonal change that causes us to change our patterns or routines for a time, we can't go outside as often as we like or we have a class we need to finish over a few months.  Then there are the long term changes.  These changes cover processes.  Sometimes these processes are leading to larger changes.  My master's class is taking 3 years.  It's leading me to a new level of knowledge and possibly future options.  There are those familiar seasons that children go through as we mark their growth stages.  We can't avoid change.  The only thing we can do is learn to flow with it.

Over my 20 years of marriage, big changes in my husband's and my life have come as a result of discomfort. We knew it was time to move on to something else when we didn't fit anymore.  There wasn't anything wrong with us or with anyone around us, it was just time to move on.

One of my favorite examples came after serving tables at a local restaurant for over 3 1/2 years.  The last few months, I was tired of being treated so poorly.  I was almost 32 and had a 4 year old and a 7 year old. Many nights, the money I made in tips was going to pay the power bill, get some needed groceries or put gas in the car.  I would go to work needing $100 just to make ends meet.  I would walk out the door with $20 and have to decide which things I wouldn't pay for.  I know that I was probably slightly anxious on those days.  Perhaps the people I served sensed it and thought I was being rude.  I wanted to scream at the people who didn't understand that I worked for tips.  I got paid $3.35 an hour.  My wage was dependent on them. I would do my very best, be positive and cheery even though I was terribly shy.  I would try to engage those that wanted to be engaged and leave those alone that wanted to be left alone.  I couldn't always tell which was which.

After 3 years, I started losing my patience for the job.  I was frustrated with diners.  I was tired.  I was tired of being treated like nothing because I served food.  I was tired of being treated like an outcast because of my job.  They didn't know I was a mom with responsibilities and a Bachelor's degree.  I was choosing to do this job instead of teaching so that I could be with my kids.  I got tired of sacrificing my dignity.  The three years prior to this time, I enjoyed my job.  I loved serving and seeing people and it brought me joy.  At the 3 year mark it stopped.

I spoke with a friend about it.  She said I had "lost the grace" for it.  For 3 years, I was given the grace to handle one of the most difficult jobs.  It is emotionally and physically taxing with little financial reward.  You are completely depending on others to graciously support your financial needs.  I didn't have the grace for it anymore.  It was time to move on.  Just a few weeks later, I got a teaching job 5 weeks after the school year started.  The timing was amazing.  Everything changed.  We found a preschool for my youngest.  My oldest went to the school I was teaching at and my husband was ready to stay home.  Shortly after all this, my husband found a new job too.

I didn't think I was ready to go back to teaching and I wouldn't have pursued it unless things got uncomfortable.  When things did get uncomfortable, a way was made for me to change direction.

Thinking back, most major life changing moments, the ones I never dreamed would be a part of my life, happened because the situation wasn't working anymore.  I wasn't appreciated, challenged or didn't have the grace for it anymore.  It was time to move on.

I need to remember that difficulties could be a moment for me to grow as a person or for me to move on to something new.  Either way, I will be better and I will be ok.  I've been through it before and I will make it through it again.  Who knows what amazing things await me on the other side of this difficulty.