Pink Story: Sharing Tough News

Its overwhelming to talk to people about all of this and keep them updated.  Its confusing to tell them the "what ifs."  Looking back, I probably didn’t need to tell people every detail.  I could have simply told them the next step or where I was currently.  I would explain to people who asked that they would need to do a genetic test, the results of that would determine what type of surgery I would need.  The results of the test on the cancer after surgery would determine whether I needed radiation or both, radiation and chemotherapy.  There was too much "if this. . . then that,  if that . . . then this."  I think people got overwhelmed when I explained all of it.  The people who weren’t good listeners got confused and thought I was going to the extreme.  

One person, in particular, would regularly talk to other people who had had breast cancer then they would come back to me and say, “so and so didn’t have to do that,” or “so and so said you should be fine if you do this.”  They never heard me explain what was happening and what my doctor recommended. According to them, the friend of theirs, who was a stranger to me, knew more than anybody I was talking to.  Fortunately, that only happened with that one person.  Unfortunately, that one person was close enough that those conversations couldn’t be avoided.  

I was torn, I wanted people to know what was going on so they understood why I might act a little funny, but I also didn’t want to bring anything up.  I didn’t mind talking about things, but I didn’t want to begin the conversation and I would only answer people’s questions.  I didn’t offer up information unless they asked.  I guess that was my way of checking to see if they really wanted to know.  There is no worse feeling than sharing something important and finding out the person you are speaking to didn’t hear a word you said.  I didn’t offer up the information lightly.  The teachers I worked with knew.  I didn’t tell parents or students.  How do you say that?  How do you announce to a room of 3rd graders or even to their parents, "I have cancer?"  Perhaps someone else could.  Most of the families in my class heard about it from others at this point.  Later, they would be told, but not by me.