Today

After I talked about the "What if" world, I was thinking about why I flee so fast from that place like bees are chasing me and I'm covered with honey.

My chances of getting breast cancer again are statistically high and get higher every year.  My grandma got her first breast cancer diagnosis at 62 and her second at 84.  I have no idea when my brain will betray me and I will have another relapse.  I'm only 40, I have plenty of years left for these things to try to come after me again.  If I visited the "What if" world, I would be a wreck.

Instead, I enjoy my achievements and my moments.

I enjoy the fact that I can do my job and I'm good at it. Even on my bad days, I'm better than some on their good days.  I celebrate my ability to move.  I can run, lift weights and move myself wherever I need to go. The stairs don't stop me, the long hike doesn't stop me. My husband and I went hiking in Ireland.  I saw others around us get weary after a short trek up the hill; we were at the end of our 3 hour hike and still weren't worn out.  We finally had to quit because we were hungry, not weary.  I'm finishing my master's degree.  I'm still a good mom and wife, probably better than I used to be because I have a healthy perspective.

I am capable of just about anything right now.  My health doesn't stop me. I go slower sometimes, but a little slow moving is probably good for everyone.  One day my health may stop me from doing what I want, and visiting that thought is terrifying.  I have no power over the future, but I have power over today.  I can choose to live and be and grow today.  When I make those choices, I will have no regrets if tomorrow brings sad surprises.