Expectations

One of the worst things I think a person can have is expectations.  Expectations are different than hopes. We can hope forever.  We can hope for ourselves and we can hope for others.  But expectations will bring you pain.  

Think of expectations as your plan for the outcome of a situation.  You have something to say and you "expect" the other person will respond a certain way.  You may even mold your words based on your expectation.  The first problem with this is the person may say something different than your expectations and you will either be disappointed or confused.  Instead, speak and listen then speak in response to what you heard not what you expected to hear.

I've talked with people that have been repeatedly hurt by others.  They want the relationship to be renewed, but they always hear the same things even when the person says something different. The second problem with expectations is that we often hear in light of them.  We expect someone to say something because they often say the same thing or respond the same way.  We expect it will happen again.  However, when they respond differently than our expectations we don't hear it.  We don't see it. We react to our expectations rather than the reality.

I haven't figured out how to control my expectations and I can see them in others long before I see them in myself. I would like to give people the clean slate they deserve.  If they've wronged me in the morning, I want to be open and willing to see them clearly in the afternoon, holding no expectations over them of their behavior.  

Perhaps we need to have shorter memories.  Perhaps we should apply the saying "forgive and forget" a bit more liberally.  As I think about this, it seems the simplest way to solve this problem is to remember how we want to be treated.  I want to be forgiven if I have a bad moment or say something stupid.  

I don't want anyone expecting me to act a certain way.  I want them to simply see me.  In order to be seen we should probably start seeing.