Pink Story: Sad News

This event happened on November 23, 2012.

I am daily trying to do more.  I went Christmas shopping and made it until the fourth hour before I started getting really tired.  In the midst of my healing I received sad news.  My uncle died.  It was a complete surprise.  My Grandma should not be burying a son.  He was such a rock that everyone leaned on.  He was glue.  He struggled with plenty, but never let any of it show.  He was a big teddy bear.  When I was little I was afraid of him, he often had a big beard and he had a big voice. I could count on him to be the same all the time.  I could count on him to always be there.

I am thankful I spoke with him 2 days ago.  I happened to call my mom while he was in the room. I’m thankful we went up to visit everyone in June.  I’m thankful my girls knew him.  I still can’t believe he’s gone.  He is leaving behind a very large hole in this family.  I don’t know if it will be repaired.

I know my uncle is doing well.  He’s hanging out with his dad now and all the cousins’ babies that didn’t get to be born.  I know he’s good.  We are sad for the now missing place he had previously filled in our lives.  We are sad for a future without him.

I live about 400 miles away from the family.  I want to go up there for the funeral, but I’m not quite strong enough for the trip and I’ve already missed too many days of work.  It’s odd not being able to go to the funeral, but I know that is not where he is.  I can say goodbye in my own way and in my own place.  I have to make sure that I am healthy first.  Yet another moment when I put my health ahead of what some think I “should” do.