Pink Story: Back to Work After Surgery

I made it through my first day back at work.  I didn't have a bad day, but I didn't have a victorious day either.

I felt isolated and alone.  I struggled to talk about myself and couldn't honestly answer how I was doing.  I ended up saying "okay."  It was as if the only choices to the "How are you?" question were good or bad so I said, "okay."  I realize now I could have said weary, scared, cautious, heavy, hanging in there, determined, strong despite my weakness, hopeful for full recovery, or any number of more intelligent and truthful answers. I kept judging whether the person asking really wanted to know and responded accordingly, when in reality, I should simply have answered honestly no matter what.  

When I did talk about it someone interrupted with their surgery story and I refused to compete in a conversation.  Nobody else has done that, interrupt with their own story.  I've met over a dozen people that have had breast cancer, they tell me they had it, but they don't regale their story.  The fact that they have gone through this is all I need.  All our stories are different. This person had an out-patient surgery, interjected my story with "Me too!" then continued talking about herself.  I felt isolated.  Knowing that I looked normal on the outside, but wasn't normal on the inside made me feel isolated.  Everybody looks at me and thinks I'm fine when really I'm falling apart.