It’s been almost 2 weeks since my surgery. I don’t feel that same heaviness on my body I have felt. I feel like I can almost be normal with some caution. Normal means go through the tasks of a day without having to take long breaks. I realize the pain may never fully go away. Its one of the mental battles I get to have on a daily basis. This pain in my breast will probably be here to some extent for some time.
I’m going back to school tomorrow. I’m not concerned I won’t make it through the day. I’m concerned my adrenaline will kick into gear and I will push too far. I fear I will make it through the day then be in extreme pain. Teaching requires an intense amount of attention. I have to know what each student is doing at all times, make sure they are on task which means getting them to do all the things they don’t want to do, be aware of what I am teaching, be aware of how the students are receiving the information, and monitor their practice to make sure they understand. Typically, at the end of the day the adrenaline is still carrying me and I appear to be full of energy. Once I get home, I crash with exhaustion. This is how a day flows when I am healthy. I’d prefer to be able to find a calm balance throughout the day and not fall back on adrenaline to survive. This will give me an opportunity to try to learn to teach well without tapping into my adrenaline. I don’t think I’ve ever done it, but I need to begin tomorrow.
I have found one one more example of something I’m going to need to change in order to stay healthy and strong. I have to begin putting myself first and making wise choices to take care of me.
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